Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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The Law in a Small Town

Category: Adult Theme, Shaggy Puppy

This was sent by pharmacy bro Tom Vickery.


At a trial in a small South Carolina town, the prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. She was sworn in, on the Bible, and was asked if she would tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help her God.

The witness was a proper, well-dressed, elderly lady; the grandmotherly type well-spoken and poised.

The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”

She responded, “Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy and frankly you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your lovely wife, manipulate people, and talk badly about them behind their backs. You think you are a rising big shot when you haven’t the sense to realize you will never amount to anything more than a two-bit, paper-pushing shyster Yes, I know you quite well.”

The lawyer was stunned. He couldn’t even think for a few minutes.

Then, slowly backing away, fearing the looks on the judge and the jurors’ faces, not to mention the court reporter who documented every word, and not knowing what else to do, he pointed at the defense attorney across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the attorney for the defense?”

She again replied, “Why, yes I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and has a terrible drinking problem. The man can’t build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him.”

The defense attorney nearly fainted and sat slumped in his chair, looking at the floor. Laughter, mixed with gasps, thundered throughout the courtroom and the place was on the verge of chaos.

At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to order and called both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, “If either of you two crooked bastards asks her if she knows me, you will go to jail for contempt of court.”

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