Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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The Latest in Aerogels

Category: Rated G

by Alan B. Combs

This is dedicated to that campy, beautiful, buxom, slinky creature who is the epitome of bad taste in late night television. I love her.


One of the current technological areas of great interest to many is in the creation of aerogels. These are solids that are composed mostly of air, not unlike whipped sea-foam, but lighter.

One part of this effort is dedicated to using viruses to biosynthetically create these aerogels. In particular, there is much research into the creation of fabrics that are much lighter than silk, but have greater tensile strength. Wearing a formal evening gown made of such material would be like wearing a garment made out of fog, but one which maintains allure and modesty, if anchored properly — very profitable in the hands of Gucci and colleagues, to be sure.

The history of development of such fabrics is also the history of the technical development of those viruses which create the aerogels. The first virus, called “A” made fabric with the consistency of good mud. The next virus tried, “B”, was better. So, it went through versions “J” and “K” until finally they reached their goal. They had the perfect virus and the perfect fabric for an evening gown. They are planning to call it:

L-Virus, Mist-Dress of the Dark

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