The Klutz

This pun cascade appeared on the groaners listserv. It is by Chomi.

Clifford Clarke was a careless chap. Every hostess hated him. They feared for their precious porcelain and good furniture whenever this emulator of a china shop bull appeared. His reputation spread and eventually he became a pariah. No one would ask him to a party for fear of damage.

Then one charitable, kindly woman felt sorry for him. “C. C. can’t be all that bad,” she said. “The poor soul deserves one more chance.” So she sent an invitation to the loutish fellow and to display her faith further, she put on her finest dress for the occasion.

Clifford arrived on the dot and for the first hour managed to avoid disaster. It was not until refreshments were served that the customary accident happened. He spilled his entire cup of black coffee over his hostess’ evening dress which she had bought that summer in Paris for a lot of money.

Tearfully gazing at her ruined gown, flushed with anger, she turned on her clumsy guest and exclaimed: “Go, and never darken my Dior again!” . (By Himie Koshevoy)

Well, the lady gave the gown to her maid, who cleaned it, and was happy to use it for a big party. She called it her worn again Christian. (By Lou Stewart)

Unfortunately for the maid, it was raining the night of her big party. There was water and mud EVERYWHERE. The lovely Dior gown (an eye-catching, heart-stopping little number in red with nine diamond-chip buttons down the back) was proudly worn by the maid, anyway.

As luck would have it, the car that carried the maid to her party rolled up the drive and stopped just over a huge mud puddle. In her haste to exit the car the red-clad maid slipped in the mud. Only because those nine diamond chip buttons snagged on the seatbelt was she kept from sliding completely into the mud. However, she felt the buttons tearing from their threads, and hastily lurched upwards, sinking her shoes deep into the muck, but keeping intact her lovely dress. Thereby proving, once again, that a twitch in slime saves nine. (By Chomi)

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