I received this classic from Mel Lett.

[Insert the name of your least favorite politician] walks into a bar and notices a very large jar behind the bar. It’s filled to the brim with ten dollar bills. He guesses there must be thousands of dollars there.

He approaches the bartender and asks him, “What’s up with the jar?”

The bartender tells him, “Well, you put ten dollars into the jar, and if you pass three tests then you get all of the money.”

“What are the three tests?”

“Pay first. Those are the rules.”

So he gives the bartender the ten bucks and the bartender adds it to the jar with the other bills.

Bartender: “OK, here’s what you have to do….

First you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can’t make a face while doing it.

Second, there’s a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth… you have to remove it with your bare hands.

Third, there’s a 90 year old woman upstairs who’s never had an orgasm in her life. You gotta make things right for her.”

Our friend responds, “Well, I know I’ve paid my ten bucks but I’m not an idiot, I can’t do all that… it’s impossible!

“Well, you asked, and I told you… those are the rules, and your money stays in the jar.”

Well, as time goes on and our friend drinks a few, he asks, “Wherez zat teeqeelah?” He grabs the gallon of tequila with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down his cheeks but he does not make a face.

Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear a huge scuffle going on. They hear barking, screams, yelps and growling, and eventually silence.

Just when they think the he must surely be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped to shreds and big scratches all over his body.

“Now,” he says, “Where’s that woman with the sore tooth?”