Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


The Gunslinger

Category: Rated G

This lovely variant on a Western theme is by Scarlett Herzele. The comment is by Chris Cole


There was a no good, very bad, terrible, nasty, mean cowboy criminal who, because of his terrible behaviour became known simply as the “Malady”. He was truly an affliction to every community. No one could lay a hand on him until one day an upstart young gunslinger named “Shooter” challenged him to a gunfight at the Not Quite OK Corral. Malady drew. Shooter drew. Shots were fired. Shooter lay dead (kilt, but that’s another tale) but he had not failed entirely for two of his bullets had entered the right side of Malady’s face, just below his lower lip, torn directly across his face and exited the left side, causing the lower portion of his face to fall off. He was thenceforth known as the UNCHINNED MALADY.


Chris Cole responded:

A fitting post script would have to include Shooter’s pet mouse, Phil, who was hiding under a beer stein during the gunfight. Unfortunately Malady’s shot-off chin fell on top of the stein, shattering it and killing the poor mouse inside. This prompted an addition to Shooter’s obituary in the local paper: Phil in Stein Killed by Jawbone of Ass.

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