Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


The Fisherman’s Twins

Category: Puns, Rated G

By John Vinson (aka John the Wysard on alt.callahans)


John the Wysard comes into the Bar (Callahans), shaking his head.

“Some of you may know that I come by my occasional punniness honestly: my dad was a *monstrous* punster, and the skill – or the vice – was passed down.”

“Just as an example, I just got this by EMail from my brother Ed. Don’t blame him or me for originating it… but I will confess that we both passed it on:”

Many years ago, Tom’s wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn’t think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, Tom said, “Let’s not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us.”

After several weeks had passed, the Tom and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would also turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn’t matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. “Let’s call the boys Towards and Away,” suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys were simply known as Towards and Away.

The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong. The day came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, “Boys, it is time that learned how to make a living from the sea.” They provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a three month voyage.

The three months passed quickly for the fisherman’s wife, yet the ship had not returned. Another three months passed, and still no ship. Three whole years passed before the greiving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house. She recognized him as her husband. “My goodness! What has happened to my darling boys?” she cried.

The ragged fisherman began to tell his story: “We were just barely one whole day out to see when Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again.”

“Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must of been!”

“Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away….”

Next post »

Leave a Reply