Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


The Drinker’s Alphabet

Category: Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Lists, Puns, Rated PG

Clearly not politically correct, but funny; this comes from the groaners listserv and many others.


A- Alcohol: The key to surviving High School or College

B- Beer: It’s what’s for dinner…and breakfast and lunch

C- Class: What you’re supposed to get up and go to after last night’s party

D- Dancing: A favorite pastime of almost every drunk, usually looks pathetic

E- Emergency: The keg is empty or there is no one over 21 in your drinking party

F- Fucked Up: Signified by leaning over a toilet puking your guts out

G- Games: Anything that involves cards, stripping and chugging beers

H- Hang-over: Reminds you of how great last night was and how much you drank

I- Idiot: What you look like after doing a lap dance on fat kid after just three beers

J- Jail: Where you’ll end up after trying to use a fake ID or stagger home at 5 am

K- Kissing: What you’ll do to anything that moves after 15 beers

L- Lord: Person you beg to get you out of every situation involving alcohol

M- Money: That which you no longer have due to two dollar draft nite at the bar

N- Not Again!: What you scream when you wake up beside someone you don’t know… again

O- Oh shit!- What you say as you’re falling down the stairs

P- Pee: What you have to do every five minutes while you’re drinking beer

Q- Quit: What you promise to do after spending the nite in jail with Bertha the Bearded Transvestite

R- Reform: What you promise God you will do while you’re puking in the toilet

S- Sex: What you did with that person you met last night while you were drunk… aww yea

T- Twenty-one: Usually the age where you reach your peak of drinking

U- Underage: Most of the drinking population in town

V- Vodka: The mother of all alcohols and the best way to make Jello

W- Worm: The part of Tequila that reminds you of the porcelin god.

X- X-Ray: How they can see into your stomach before they pump it (detox).

Y- Yourself: The one who drinks way too much every weekend.

Z- Zima: Zomething Different … Zomething Fun (Other folks have reported to me that Zima Zucks.)

Next post »

Leave a Reply