Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


The Dead Horse Theory

Category: Rated G, Shaggy Puppy

This little bit of ancient wisdom was sent to us by Shayne Gad.


The tribal wisdom of the Lakota Sioux, passed on from generation to generation, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

However, in government, Federal State and Local (including police, fire departments & education),Unions, large organizations and corporate America, more advanced strategies are often employed:

1. Buying a bigger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses.
5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.
7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse’s performance.
10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse’s performance.
11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
12. Rewriting the performance requirements for all horses.

And, of course, the most common solution:

13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

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