Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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The Bear Facts

Category: Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Rated G

*This was posted on the groaners listserv.

The off-his-rocker story writer and poet Edgar Allan Poe developed a grudge against Smokey the Bear (brother of Gladly, the Cross-Eyed Bear). Seems that Poe loved the heat, look, and smell of blazes and resented Smokey’s long-time campaign to prevent forest fires. So Poe sent a bunch of ravens to harass Smokey by flying in circles around his head and cawing raucously. This drove Smokey to distraction, but he was too old and weak to ward off the marauding birds.

Well, I’m a big fan of Smokey and his campaign to keep our forests safe. So when word of his plight reached me, I immediately set out to help him with the aid of my loyal dog, Rover. You see, Rover was a bird dog, and his breed specialized in getting rid of pesky ravens.

As soon as Rover and I arrived on the scene, we sprang into action. Rover jumped into my arms, and I threw him up high, toward Smokey’s head. My little dog snarled and barked loudly, scaring away the black birds. I then wrote Edgar Allan a letter describing what had happened:

On top of Old Smokey, all covered with crows, I tossed my true Rover, thus thwarting you, Poe.

*From “The Ants Are My Friends” by Richard Lederer & Stan Kegel ©2007  
Marion Street Press
The Bear Facts: “On top of Old Smokey, all covered with snow, I lost my true lover for courtin’ too slow” (“On Top of Old Smokey,”  traditional song)

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