Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


The Bartending Contest

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G

This is by Liquor on alt.callahans.


Now most of you probably know that I normally drink a Nero. This is a kind of spicy drink (an ounce or two of hot pepper sauce, more if the sauce is something mild like Tabasco), but it looks like a normal Caesar.

Well, at one of the bars where I spent an excessive amount of time, they had a bar tending contest. The prize was one of those large stuffed bears that are so hard to win at the carnival side-shows, and the girl friend that I had at the time wanted one, so we both entered the contest.

As usual, I made up a Nero. Darlene made a drink sort of like a sloe gin fizz, with lemon and lime juice, and crushed ice added – kind of cooling on a hot day. Then we took the last two places in the lineup.

Well, the judge for the contest went down the line, sampling each drink – until he sampled the Nero. His eyes literally crossed, he broke out in a sweat, he had to blow his nose, and I was expecting to see smoke coming out of his ears at any second.

He just grabbed at the next drink in line – Darlene’s – and downed it in a single gulp. This brought his features back to normal (or at least as close to it as he ever was). Of course, this made Darlene’s drink seem wonderful, and he awarded her the bear.

When she described how she won it to her jealous friends, she would explain:

“Sloe wins teddy, wince erased”.

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