Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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The Animal Wedding

Category: Puns, Rated G

This was written by Gary Hallock. It was posted on puns@yahoogroups.com.


A story book wedding was to take place in the animal kingdom. As in most story books, animals talk and interact in a human fashion and even inter-species marriages are not uncommon. (e.g. – Owl & Pussycat) The bride, a lovely young goat, was to be wedded to a very distinguished rodent, a brave soldier in her majesty’s service.

A grand ceremony was planned and many different animals were invited to share in the great event, but security was tight and only those with the proper credentials were to be allowed into the church. Naturally, most of the groom’s family were some sort of rodent while most of the goat’s relatives were of the cloven hoof variety. Still, both the bride and groom’s families had done some cross breeding, so their extended families did contain quite a few mixed breeds and subspecies.

Thus two comprehensive “master lists” of all relatives who were expected and welcome was prepared. As you might guess, on the day of the ceremony it still became difficult for the ushers to identify each arriving attendee from the lists and get them properly seated on the correct side of the aisle.

At one point a small herd of sheepish females arrived and began to bleat loudly over the delay in their being seated. Over the noise of their lambasting, the frustrated usher frantically attempted to locate the names and species of these ladies on his list of the bride’s relatives, but it was to no avail.

“I’m sorry,” the usher said, “I am unable to confirm your party as invited guests of the bride.”

“Baaaah!” one of the irate lambs loudly protested. “Then why don’t you look for us on the groom’s list?”

“Oh, yes, you are correct!” said the usher apologetically, “That was indeed the problem. I’ve got Ewe under Mice kin.” (By Gary Hallock)


“I’ve got you under my skin,” from “I’ve Got You Under My Skin” by Cole Porter from the movie “Born To Dance” (©1936 MGM)

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