This is from Lowrie. It is an updated old tale, I do believe, but it certainly resonates these days.

An Amish farmer walking through his field notices a man kneeling down and drinking from his farm pond. The Amish farmer shouts, “Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen.” (Which means, “Don’t drink the water, the cows have crapped in it.”)

The kneeling man shouts back, “I’m Muslim, I don’t understand you. I speak Arabic and English. If you can’t speak in the sacred tongue of Islam, then speak in English.”

The Amish farmer replies: “Use both hands, you’ll get more water.”