Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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The Aliens

Category: Puns, Rated PG-13

A new offering from Bob Levi. Yea.

Parenthetically, our family just returned from Roswell, NM. Even after some probing studies, I cannot say that we saw any aliens or saucers.


Over the years, sightings of unidentified flying objects and alien spaceships have captured the imagination of many people. One such person was a young feller by the name of Hiram Jones who lived in a rural area of Tennessee. The following story may have been a dream or perhaps it could have happened. It was related to me by a friend who has family from the area where the incident took place.

According to the friend, Hiram woke up one morning convinced that he had been captured by aliens during the night and taken onto their spaceship. He decided to report the incident to the local authority, namely Sheriff Dave Crandell. So Hiram goes down to the sheriff’s office and meets with Sheriff Dave.

“The strangest thing happened to me last night, Sheriff,” began Hiram. “Ah couldn’t sleep and went out for a walk in front of m’ farmhouse. Just then ah saw this strange object in the sky. I was hoverin’ ’bout 100 feet off the ground and had flashing red and blue lights. The next thing ah know was this thang lands right in front of me and these little green creatures take me on board their vehicle and we fly away. Ah spent a few hours answering their questions. That’s all ah remember until ah woke up this morning.”

Sheriff Crandell was intrigued and decided to ask Hiram a few questions. “Tell me, Hiram, how many of these little green creatures was there?”

“Ah guess there musta been ’bout a half dozen,” explains Hiram.

The Sheriff then asks Hiram, “Besides their green color, can ya give me any other description of what they all looked like?”

“They was real funny lookin’,” Hiram tells Sheriff Dave. “They had two heads with feelers sticking out. And they each had four arms and each arm had two hands.”

“Besides the head, arms and hands, what other physical features did ya notice, Hiram?” asks Sheriff Crandell.

“Ah remember that they had five legs and whenever they got angry, their rear ends would get bigger,” Hiram tells him.

Sheriff Dave contemplates this last statement, but was a bit confused. “Ah understands most of what ya all said ’bout the green color, two heads and four arms with two hands on each arm, Hiram. But
let me get this last point straight. You’re telling me that them little fellers had five feet too and asses that grew?”

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