Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Texas Travelogue

Category: Rated G

Mel Lett keeps on sending this excellent material.


Chuck was sitting in an airplane when another fellow took a seat beside him. The new guy was an absolute wreck — pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear. “Hey pal, what’s the matter?” Chuck asked.

“Oh, man — I’ve been transferred to Texas,” the other guy answered, “there’s crazy people in Texas –and they have shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, high crime rate…”

“Hold on,” Chuck interrupted, “I’ve lived in Texas all my life and it is not as bad as the media say. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it’s as safe as anywhere in the world.”

The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said, “Oh thank you. I’ve been worried to death, but if you live there and say it’s OK, I’ll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?”

“Me?”, said Chuck, “I’m a tail gunner on a bread truck in Laredo .”


Other versions have the setting in Detroit, and Chuck is a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck. The story is maleable enough that there must be other versions.

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