This one was bouncing on the local internet before the 2006 Rose Bowl game. I received several copies of this prophetic work. Thanks. I do love a happy ending. Now, what will the next season bring? Hmmmm.
THE NIGHT OF THE ROSE BOWL
… Read the rest...‘Twas the night of the Rose Bowl, and all through the land,
All the Longhorns were stirring, yea, even the band.The tickets were purchased for the game, room, and air.
In hopes that “Saint Vincent” soon
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xxxiv-longhorn-hopes-for-the-season/
We continue this collection of seasonal variations and parodies. I hope this particular one goes out of date very quickly; probably not, though.
… Read the rest...Twas the night before Christmas, lights on the tree;
Someone is missing, I think it is thee.
The stockings all hung by the chimney with care;
But we were still wishing that you would be there.We were all nestled all snug in our beds,
With thoughts not of Santa, but a soldier instead.
wonder how lonely
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xxxiii-iraq-version/
We continue this collection of seasonal variations and parodies.
It was de night jus right befo’ Christmas an’ all down de bayou, errytang was quiet; not even a nutria go pitty pat in de waduh. An’ inside my house, me an’ my wife was flat poop out from all dat Christmas preparatin, an’ was jes ’bout ready to retire for de night. Le petit garcon an’ la petite fille, dat is our little boy an’ our little girl, was already … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xxxii-the-cajun-night-before-christmas/
We continue this collection of seasonal variations and parodies.
THE NIGHT BEFORE DEFENSE
(or A Visit From Dr. Ascorbate)
… Read the rest...Twas the night before defense, when all through the lab
Not a gel box was shaking, with stain or with MAb.
The columns were hung in the cold room with care,
In hopes that my protein, I soon could prepare.The post-docs were nestled all smug in their beds,
While extracts of barley muddled their heads.
With the tech in the
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xxxi-graduate-student-version-night-before-defense/
We continue this collection of seasonal variations and parodies.
… Read the rest...Twas the night before Christmas and all thru my house,
Not a specimen was stirring, not even a louse.
The test tubes were capped and the rat cages closed,
The mold cultures fuzzy, the mice in repose.The oven kept warm the ebola and pox,
I still need to locate my husband’s clean socks…
But that has to wait till tomorrow, I know;
My buggies still need that much more time
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xxx-mad-scientist-version/
We continue this collection of seasonal variations and parodies.
‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHANUKAH
With apologizes to those who don’t speak Yiddish
… Read the rest...‘Twas the night before Chanukah and all over the place
There was noise, there was kvetching. Soch ah disgrace!The Kinderlach, sleeping, uneasily felt
The chocolate rush from the Chanukah geltAnd me in the easyboy, so stuffed with latkes,
I stretched the elastic which held up my gatchkes.When up on the roof (and it has a
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xxix-chanukah-version/
We continue this collection of seasonal variations and parodies.
… Read the rest...‘Twas the night before Christmas in my redneck house;
Junior was wringing the neck of a mouse.
My .357 sat right on my lap
Just waiting for Santa, to take all his crap.The young ‘uns were restless and watching in shifts
To see if he’d come and I’d shanghai some gifts,
When out from the yard came a godawful noise
O could it be him with a shitload of toys?
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xxviii-a-redneck-version/
We continue this collection of seasonal variations and parodies.
… Read the rest...‘Twas the night before Christmas, And all through the house…
Not a creature was stirring Since the cat ate the mouse.
My support hose were hung By the chimney with care.
(I hung them last Christmas And just left them there.)My dog, Floyd, was nestled All snug in his bed,
After watching the cat rip The presents to shreds.
And I in my long johns And ratty night cap
Had
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xxvii-a-maxine-christmas-story/
We continue this collection of seasonal variations and parodies.
… Read the rest...Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter “the House”) a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.
A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xxvi-legalese-version/
We continue this collection of seasonal variations and parodies.
… Read the rest...Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hacker’s a surfing. Geeks? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java danced in their dreams.
My wife on the sofa and me with a snack,
We just settled down at my rig
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xxv-internet-version/
We continue this collection of seasonal variations and parodies.
… Read the rest...Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xxiv-scientific-explanation/
We continue this collection of seasonal variations and parodies.
… Read the rest...‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all I could hear
Was my party guests screaming, “We’ve run out of beer!”
I laughed for a moment, said, “They’re pulling my leg”
For I had just tapped a half-barrel keg.“No, Really, we’re out!” someone shrieked out of fright
And the crowd grew more restless; surely thereÕd be a fight.
“Now relax,” I said calmly “I’ve got plenty more brew”
“I’ve got Coors
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xxiii-party-on-dude-style/
We continue this collection of seasonal variations and parodies.
… Read the rest...Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck…
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”,
“Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole,
Were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul.Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety,
Released to the wilds, by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear,
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xxii-politically-correct-version/
We continue with Stan Kegel’s collection of these seasonal variations and parodies.
… Read the rest...T’was a month before Christmas. From my wife came the wail,
“Take out the garbage And go get the mail.”
So I trudged to my mailbox And what did I see?
Why, a miniature disc And computer CD!‘Twas a limited offer From America Online,
I knew in a twinkling That this deal was fine!
“Unlimited” access for one little fee,
And if I didn’t like it I
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xxi-a-o-l-style/
We continue with Stan Kegel’s collection of these seasonal variations and parodies.
… Read the rest...‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the ship
Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip;
The phasers were hung in the arm’ry securely,
In hope that no aliens would get up early.The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks
(Except for the few who were partying drunks);
And Picard in his nightshirt and Bev in her lace,
Had just settled down for a
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xx-star-trek-style/
We continue with Stan Kegel’s collection of these seasonal variations and parodies.
… Read the rest...T’was the night before Christmas And all through the town,
No noses were frozen, No snow fluttered down,
No children in flannels Were tucked into bed,
They all wore shorty Pajamas, instead.To find wreaths of holly, T’was not very hard,
For holly trees grew In every back yard.
In front of the houses, Dads and Moms were
Adorning the bushes And coconut palms.The sleeping kiddies Were
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xix-florida-style/
We continue with Stan Kegel’s collection of these seasonal variations and parodies.
… Read the rest...Twas the night before Christmas, And all through the shack,
Not a thing was a movin’, From the front to the back,
The kids were in bed, I believe we had nine,
The wife in her curlers, Was lookin’ real fine.A cold wind was blowin’, Up the holler it moaned,
All seven dogs on the porch Howled and groaned.
The boys were all dreamin’ Of weapons and
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xviii-arkansas-style/
We continue with Stan Kegel’s collection of these seasonal variations and parodies.
(must be read with the appropriate accent)
… Read the rest...Der night next vas Christmas, Der Night it vas still;
Der shtockings ver hung By der chimney to fill.
Noddink vas shturring At all in der house
For fear do Saint Nicholas Vas nix komm heraus.Der childrun ver dried Und gone to der bed
Und mutter in nightgown Und I on ahead
Vas searching around In der trunk for der
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xvii-from-the-pennsylvania-dutch/
We continue with Stan Kegel’s collection of these seasonal variations and parodies.
… Read the rest...‘Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through the shack
Not a creature was stirrin’, cept the lice on muh back.
The skoal cans wuz nailed to the screen door with care,
With hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.The children were sleepin’, all snug in their beds,
While visions of tractor pulls danced in their heads.
And Ma in her nightgown all stained with pound
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xvi-redneck-style/
We continue with Stan Kegel’s collection of these seasonal variations and parodies.
… Read the rest...‘Twas the night before Christmas, Da whole house was mellow,
Not a creature was stirrin’, I had a gun unda my pillow.
When up on da roof’ I heard somethin’ pound,
I sprung to da window, To scream, “YO! Keep it down!”When what to my Wanderin’ eyes should appear,
But dat hairy elf Vinny, And eight friggin’ reindeer.
Wit’ a bad hackin’ cough, And da stencha burped
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xv-brooklyn-style/
We continue with Stan Kegel’s collection of these seasonal variations and parodies.
… Read the rest...Twas the night before Christmas, In Texas you know,
Way out on the prairie, Without any snow.
Asleep in their cabin, Were Buddy and Sue,
A dreaming of Christmas, Like me and like you.Not stockings but boots, At the foot of their beds,
For this was Texas, What more need be said?
When all of a sudden From out the still night,
There came such a ruckus,
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xiv-texas-style/
We continue with Stan Kegel’s collection of these seasonal variations and parodies.
… Read the rest...Twas the night before Christmas and all through the pad
Not a hip cat was swinging, and that’s nowhere Dad
The stove was hung up on that stocking routine,
In hopes that the fat man would soon make the scene.The kids had all had it, so they hit their sacks,
And me and the bride had begun to relax,
When there started a rumble that came on
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xiii-for-the-cool/
We continue with Stan Kegel’s collection of these seasonal variations and parodies.
… Read the rest...Twas the night before Christmas,and we, being Jews,
My girlfriend and me We had nothing to do.
The Gentiles were home, hanging stocking with care,
Secure in their knowledge St. Nick would be there.But for us, once the Hanukkah candles burned down,
There was nothing but boredom all over town.
The malls and the theaters were all closed up tight;
There weren’t any concerts to go to
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xii-jewish-style/
We continue with Stan Kegel’s collection of these seasonal variations and parodies.
… Read the rest...‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the casa,
Not a creature was stirring — Caramba! Que pasa?
Los ninos were tucked away in their camas,
Some in long underwear, some in pajamas,While hanging the stockings with mucho cuidado
In hopes that old Santa would feel obligado
To bring all children, both buenos and malos,
A nice batch of dulces and other regalos.Outside in the
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-xi-mexican-style/
We continue with Stan Kegel’s collection of these seasonal variations and parodies.
… Read the rest...‘Twas the night before Chanukah and all over the place
There was noise, there was kvetching, Soch ah disgrace!
The Kinderlach, sleeping, uneasily felt
The chocolate rush from the Chanukah geltAnd me in the easyboy, so stuffed with latkes,
I stretched the elastic which held up my gatchkes.
When up on the roof (and it has a steep pitch)
A fat alte kakker was making a kvitsch.
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-night-before-christmas-parodies-x-chanukah/