All posts tagged Ted Brett

Begging for a Chance

This tale is by Ted Brett.

Perhaps one of the most common jobs for young people as they work their way through college or try to pick up some extra money while still in high school is to work at local supermarkets. Most start out as baggers at the check-out counters, but occasionally promotions and opportunities come along and the chance for a little more money becomes important.

One young man had worked bagging groceries for a year but never … Read the rest...

The Bull Whisperer

This is by Bob Dvorak. I apologize for the previous wrong ascription.

My girlfriend could talk to the animals — and they could talk to her as well (thank you very much, Dr. Doolittle). She used her teacher-child-psych skills in college to carry this capability one step further: By talking to beasts in a soothing fashion, she could actually hypnotize them and offer post-hypnotic behavior modification.

She discovered this quite accidentally one afternoon as a teenager when her family dog, … Read the rest...

The World Is My Oyster

By Ted Brett*

A seafood restaurant was well known for its shellfish. Diners lavished extravagant praise on the restaurant’s offerings, but the shellfish came in for particular accolades.

A few diners discovered the ultimate treat when eating oysters — perfectly shaped and valuable pearls. Yet even the amazing oyster cannot create a perfect pearl every time. One diner had a negative experience.

While enjoying his oysters one evening, he bit something hard. Unfortunately, upon removing the impediment from his mouth, … Read the rest...

Olympic Special

Bob Levi sent this timely, topical tale. It is by Ted Brett.

Seeing Picabo Street carrying the Olympic torch during last Friday’s opening ceremony in Salt Lake City brought back memories of her upset victory in the giant slalom four years ago at Nagano. Three weeks after receiving a gold medal for her Olympian efforts, she had a disastrous crash in a World Cup race. This devastating accident kept her from competing for more than two years.

Her injuries included … Read the rest...

African Violence

This is by Ted Brett.

A small country in central Africa depended on hunting safaris for its livelihood. The country grew very rich as Americans and Europeans came to the country, and they paid princely fees to hunt in the game-rich country.

However, a new king decided that hunting was a cruel sport, and he immediately outlawed hunting in all forms. The absence of rich hunters from America and Europe began to plague the country in many ways: no money … Read the rest...

Shrimp Scampering

This is by Ted Brett. It was published on the groaners listserv.

Stange things happen in the Bermuda Triangle. Few are surprised any longer when news arrives about shipwrecks and plane crashes in the most mysterious of places. Yet many are unaware that beneath the Atlantic’s waves, deep down on the ocean floor in the Bermuda Triangle, strange things also occur. One particular school of shrimp was doing its thing–swimming around, minding its own business, when a horrible hurricane struck. … Read the rest...

Spies of Life

This is one of the better ones. It is by Ted Brett from his book “Don’t Book a Judge by His Cover”. It was posted to the groaners listserv.

During the most intensive days of the cold war, the Central Intelligence Agency undertook a recruitment drive to booster its ranks and try to rectify the Soviet intelligence advantages.

During the initial interviews, two candidates appeared particularly promising. Wayne and Amber were a brother and sister team. Although their fervor and … Read the rest...

Mercy, Mercy

The following version of this *OLD* pun was recently posted by Steve Poge. Many variants exist, including one written by Donald Honig in “Bred any Good Rooks Lately?”. Ted Brett also has a version in his book.

A man had been feeling really bad for about 3 weeks, so he went to see his doctor. The doctor said, “Look, I don’t know what you’ve got, but it could be serious, so why don’t you go to this specialist I know.” … Read the rest...

The Baker’s Tale

This is a lovely old tale. A version can be found in Ted Brett’s “Don’t Book a Judge by his cover.”

There was this one-man-show baker who prided himself on his bread. He would slice it to order, disdaining automatic slicers, saying that his way was much more effective in producing the best end result. (He was dealing with the upper crust, of course.)

Soon his business grew to the point where he couldn’t keep up, so he bought himself … Read the rest...