All posts tagged Sue Lemcke

Warnings We Never Expected to See (and Perhaps Never Wanted to See)

Sue Lemcke sent this particular alert from a recent warning from the FDA’s Homeland Security Page.

“The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) today warned consumers not to use American Bullie A.B. Bull Pizzle Puppy Chews and Dog Chews manufactured and distributed by T.W. Enterprises, Ferndale, WA, because they have the potential to be contaminated with Salmonella, which can cause serious infections in dogs and cats, and, if there is cross contamination, in people, especially children, the aged, and people with … Read the rest...

The Bad Judge

Sue Lemcke sent me this a while ago. It’s overdue for the collection.

Once upon a time there was a Judge who set a very bad example. He took bribes, he suborned witnesses, he fell asleep on the bench, but somehow there never was quite enough evidence to indict him and put him away.

One day, the Judge wanted roast pheasant for supper. Of course, it wasn’t pheasant season, but that didn’t bother him at all. He just went out … Read the rest...

Look On My Works…

Sue Lemcke sent this to us. Thanks, Sue.

King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Crosus, the pawnbroker, to get a loan.

Crosus said, “I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.”

“But I paid a million dinars for it,” the King protested. Don’t you know who I am? I … Read the rest...

Make A Wish

From my friend and sometimes alt.callahans co-patron, Sue Lemcke. The author is not known.

Two guys were in a locker room after their racquetball game when one guy notices the other has a cork in his butt. “If you don’t mind me saying,” said the second, “that cork looks terribly uncomfortable. Why don’t you take it out?”

“I can’t,” lamented the first man. “It’s permanent.”

“I don’t understand,” said the other.

The first guy says, “I was walking along the … Read the rest...

Creation of Texas

Sue Lemcke, bless her heart sent me this tale. I just wish I had remembered it before a certain recent football game…

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, “Where have you been?”

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look, Michael, look what I’ve made.”

Archangel Michael looked puzzled … Read the rest...

Trust in The Word — A Short, But Shaggy Puppy

This was forwarded by Sue Lemcke. The author is not known.

Two old friends ran into each other after many years. One said, “How has everything been going with you?”

The other said, “Well, one day I opened the Bible at random, and dropped my finger on a word and it was “oil”. So, I invested in oil, and boy, did the oil wells gush. Then another day I dropped my finger on another word and it was “gold”. So, … Read the rest...

The Origin of It All

This very shaggy tale came to me from Sue Lemcke. Thanks.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.

She said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when … Read the rest...


Sue Lemcke sent this story. A fitting tale, indeed.

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner. The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach. Locking his steely gray eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance. He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly … Read the rest...

Cold War (Original-Style Shaggy Dog)

This lovely old shaggy tale was sent to me by Howell Gwin. Sue Lemcke sent me a similar tale.

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever … Read the rest...

Pickup Lines

Sue Lemcke sent me this wee groaner.

Two male flies are buzzing around, cruising for good looking females. One spots a real cutie sitting on a pile of cow manure and dives down toward her.

Pardon me,” he asks, turning on his best charm……. “but is this stool taken?”… Read the rest...

GOD Bless Texas — A Shaggy Tale of the Blessed Land

Sue Lemcke and a couple of others recently sent me this tale. (I am sending it to the Callihanicom listserv so that all coming to the convention can know about what to look forward.)

It seems a man in Topeka, Kansas, decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco, and started working East from there. He went to a very large church and began taking photographs, etc. He spots a golden … Read the rest...


This was posted by Sue Lemcke who wishes she had written it. You may even anticipate the punchline….

Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project – an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all present. Spielberg strongly desired the box office ‘oomph’ of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select whatever composers they would portray, as long as they were very famous.

“Well,” … Read the rest...