Here is another one from Steve Poge.

A show business museum in Hollywood is presenting an exhibit on the career of the late and great actor John Wayne. One of the featured items is a pair of brownish-colored gravestones bearing his name, date of birth, and the titles of his most memorable movies. The museum has decided to call the exhibit, “The Amber Graves of Wayne”.… Read the rest...

That prolific punster Steve Poge posted this version of an old, old shaggy dog. For some reason it wasn’t in the collection. It is now.

For Easter, little Jeannie received a young rabbit as a gift. It looked just like other rabbits except that the color of its fur was much lighter than that of the others. She was thereafter referred to as “Jeannie with the light brown hare”.… Read the rest...

I received this one from Steve Poge who posts on alt.humor.puns

A man boarded the Metro Bus and was amazed to see a small dwarf seated on a pile of cushions, driving the bus. He was no more than two feet tall. He was wearing a green uniform, and a hat straight out of Robin Hood.

The dwarf stared directly ahead while driving, and kept repeating the same words over and over….. “tick-tock….tick-tock…tick-tock…” The man asked the person sitting next … Read the rest...

This shortie was posted by Steve Poge.

In Saudi Arabia, an Arab sheik fell off a carnival merry-go-round. Hard as you may find it to believe, he was promptly gobbled up by the second of three hungry sheep. The carnival owner shook the sheep and said “Middle lamb, you’ve had a dizzy Bey.”… Read the rest...

This was posted in alt.humor.puns by Steve Poge.

A group of very attractive young female city employees discovered they could nicely supplement their income by moonlighting as ladies of the night. After having her hair bleached, one of the girls discovered she was more successful as a blonde. She convinced the others that the old saying, “Blondes have more fun,” is true. The ladies became so popular that they were able to charge exorbitant rates for their services. They even … Read the rest...

This was posted on alt.humor.puns by Steve Poge.

When Billy Shakespeare went swimming one day he was obsessed with the notion that Gypsy moths had been feeding on the back of his trunks! He asked a friend to investigate and make a thorough search. The friend replied, “No holes, Bard.”… Read the rest...

This was originally posted by Steve Poge. I hadn’t come across it before.

The financial situation had been very bad for several months. Because he was out of work and destitute, a young man decided to rob a bank. After days of observation, he chose a small satellite bank facility across the metropolitan area from where he was living. He spent several days planning every move. Late one dark and moonless night he picked the lock on the rear door … Read the rest...

I first saw this in a posting by Steve Poge.

Once upon a time, about 4000 years ago, a great army of Kurds (from Kurdistan in Iraq) swept across the Middle East, conquering vast areas of land. They pushed westward until they reached what is the present state of Israel. There, they met staunch resistance from a small tribe of mountain dwellers called the Yerms. The Yerms were wonderful archers. They would simply wait in the hills until the Kurds … Read the rest...

This was posted by Steve Poge.

All the animals in the zoo somehow managed to find the alcoholic punch bowl at their Annual Picnic. The first animals to pass out were the monkey and a young pony, proving once again that a foal and his monkey are soon potted!… Read the rest...

This was posted by Steve Poge.

On a recent trip to Sea World, we were particularly impressed by the “Penguin Encounter”. We looked all over the enclosure to see all the little penguins and puffins. Down at the far end there was a little male puffin in a lady’s dress, pulling rabbits out of a hat, and doing all sorts of other tricks. We called him “Drag, the Magic Puffin”… Read the rest...

I recently saw this posted by Steve Poge.

Two contestants on a TV game show were in the final round. Mr. Cohn was way ahead of Mr. Schine, but just as the buzzer was rung, Schine slipped ahead, and won!

When asked what prize he wanted, Mr. Schine stated that he wanted a horse. The game show host asked why, and was told, “I want a horse so I can name it ‘Harvest Moon.'”

Then, I can have a portrait … Read the rest...

I originally saw this posted by Steve Poge.

A creature rose up out of the surf and came sloshing ashore. Its garments were made of green sea lettuce. “I am the friendly Witch of the Sand,” she said, “and I am only going to sunbathe.” The sun was terribly hot. Her skin began to bake and it turned as red as a ripe tomato!! Have you ever seen a baking lettuce and tomato Sand Witch?… Read the rest...

Another from Steve Poge.

At the end of a long day, all the fisherman had caught was one small, red salmon. He was about to kill it when the salmon shouted, “Wait, I’m much too small!”

“Wow!, a talking salmon”, the fisherman exclaimed, “What’s your name?

“Rusty,” replied the salmon. “Please throw me back into the sea!” The fisherman did so.

About a year later, the man was fishing the same spot when he again caught Rusty! “Amazing”, exclaimed the … Read the rest...

Posted by Steven Poge.

For the grand opening of a super-deluxe Deli in Las Vegas, the proud owner stopped at nothing to shout the news about! He even hired two ping-pong players to play on a table in front of the new deli. Since it WAS a deli, the players used pickles instead of balls, and the crowd cheered wildly as the pickles splatted back and forth across the net. They called it, of course, “The Volley of the Dills.”… Read the rest...

This was posted by Steve Poge in alt.humor.puns.

There was once a marauding hedgehog named Norman. Not many people were aware that he didn’t work alone; much of the time he was accompanied by Celeste, a giant shark. I didn’t realize it myself, until I spent a vacation in the Islands. Unfortunately, I happened to pick a time when both of them were terrorizing the countryside.

One day I went down to the beach prepared to do some jogging and … Read the rest...

This version was posted by Steve Poge in alt.humor.puns.

A spokesperson for the U.S. Mint announced that a new fifty-cent piece was being issued to honor two great American patriots. On one side of the coin would be Theodore Roosevelt, on the other, Nathan Hale. Asked why two people were going to be on the same coin, the official replied, “Now, when you have a coin toss, you can simply call “Teds, or Hales!!!”… Read the rest...

This version was posted by Steve Poge in alt.humor.puns.

At one time, there was a Sea Scout camp outside of Norfolk, Virginia. It was so close to the beach that the porpoises could be seen swimming in to shore at dinnertime. The camp’s chef would announce the meal by yelling, “It’s chow time for all in tents — and porpoises!”… Read the rest...

This was posted by Steve Poge in alt.humor.puns. Another version can be found in “Bred Any Good Rooks Lately.”

When my father retired, he needed something to keep him busy. Being of good voice, he decided to join a choir. My mother, suspecting he was doing this just to meet younger women, agreed, but just as long as it was an all male group. After an extensive search he found the only all male choir in the state. This group … Read the rest...

Here is another old one from from Steve Poge.

Two parents were discussing the relative merits of play-ground equipment at Larch Park, so called because it contained a preponderance of Larch trees.

Said one, “Everything seems to be pretty safe to play on, except for those rusty old slides.”

Remarked the second, “Yes, you must beware the slides of Larch!”… Read the rest...

This is modified from a recent posting by Steve Poge.

Farmer Brown’s son George went to the big city to make his fortune. Unfortunately he became a stockbroker, and on last October 20, he found himself reduced to shining shoes for a living. At the same time, a run of unusually good weather resulted in an abundance of late hay down on the farm.

So, in this story, the farmer makes hay, while the son shines.… Read the rest...

This is a very, very old shaggy dog. I have modified it from a recent posting by Steve Poge.

Once upon a time, a King became convinced that a member of his royal court was betraying state secrets to the enemy. He called the Counts all together and demanded that the traitor confess. No one spoke.

“I will behead all of you until the traitor admits his guilt,” roared the King! Still no response. Along came the Royal Executioner. WHOP! … Read the rest...

This is another old pun. I owe this version to Steve Poge.

When Leif Ericson returned from his New World voyage, he found that his name had been dropped from the registry of his hometown. He reported the omission to the chief town official who, deeming it a slight to a distinguished citizen, protested strongly to the district census taker.

“I’m terribly sorry”, apologized that officer in great embarrassment. “I must have taken Leif off my census”!… Read the rest...