From a Local Talk Show.
One of the topics on an October 2006 Sam and Bob Austin call-in-show was a discussion about the Dallas Cowboy coach whose wife and au pair claimed to have found a small rat in a take-home salad from Mickie D’s.
The conversation turned to what type of salad dressing would be appropriate with a rat salad. Bleu Cheese was suggested because rodents like cheese.
The best suggestion by a caller, however, was vinaigratt.
rosecatt added: … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/rat-salad/
Ms. rosecatt sent this. She has no idea of who the author is.
To go outside, and there perchance to stay
Or to remain within: that is the question:
Whether ’tis better for a cat to suffer
The cuffs and buffets of inclement weather
That Nature rains on those who roam abroad,
Or take a nap upon a scrap of carpet,
And so by dozing melt the solid hours
That clog the clock’s bright gears with sullen time
And stall … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/hamlets-cats-soliloquy/
An original by rosecatt with additions by the usual suspects.
Professor Thornwankle was excited. He and his archaeology students had been working for months, tediously sifting sand and excavating a small site deep within a rock outcropping in Eastern Texas. It was a Clovis-period site and many interesting artifacts had been discovered.
The most fascinating discovery was what appeared to be a long extinct primative colony of large marsupials. Curiously, such marsupials had never before been documented in Texas but … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/texas-dig/
It has been altogether too long since we have heard from rosecatt. Here is a timely new offering.
Now that Camilla is officially a member of The Royal Family, she has been given the chore of caring for the Queen’s corgis whenever Liz is otherwise engaged.
But Camilla becomes irritated whenever the pampered little dogs bark, and this has inspired her to invent a product to deter them, which will soon be on the market in Great Britain.
It is … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/camilla-the-queens-corgis/
The syndicated cartoonist, Lynn Johnson, produces a strip called For Better Or For Worse. A good-hearted family cartoon with occasional poignant barbs, it tells the developing story of the Patterson family. As I think about it, one of the things I enjoy most about the series is that the family matures and changes with time. It is not locked in the eternal now as are so many other strips such as “Dagwood”, in which the characters never age or … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/trying-to-lose-weight-a-tale-for-our-times/
By Alan B. Combs with a cascade of help from PUNY.
You probably saw the recent article on one of the news services where a woman stabbed her husband to death, stuffed him into a trash baggie, and threw his carcass into a convenient dumpster.
The jury decided it was a clear case of marital discard.
Bob Dvorak said, “Probably a hatchet job. We’ve all heard of ex murders.”
Gary Hallock added, ” I guess the old maid finally bagged … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/how-to-lose-two-hundred-ugly-pounds/
By Alan B. Combs
One of the categories of useful cardiovascular drugs that I cover in my classes is that of anticoagulants, drugs that decrease blood clotting. Anyone that watches commercials knows that aspirin is highly touted for this property. One of the wonderful ironies, however, is that Nature frequently has done it better than we can.
We have clinically useful anticoagulants derived from leech saliva (hirudin, hirulog, and others). As far as I know, no one is studying mosquito … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/so-help-me-its-true/
A new one by rosecatt.
A doctor was called to the ranch on an old TV western. One of the cowboys had been kicked in the noggin by a half-wild pony and had a nasty bump. Doc decided to try out a new diagnostic tool which involved using a needle to extract tissue samples for culture.
Of course no one on the ranch had ever witnessed such a thing. One of the hired hands (a cook) could not resist asking … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/meanwhile-back-at-the-ranch/
Another original groaner by rosecatt.
A little known fact is that a very famous Mexican dance was originally invented in Biblical times during the reigns of King David and King Solomon. A special hat with a wide brim was invented, and the dancers danced to the hymns written by the aforementioned kings.
I don’t know what they called the hat itself, but I have read that the whole idea was ridiculed by the population at the time.
Every week on … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-hat/
This little tale is by rosecatt. Thanks, m’Dear.
When a wild giraffe gets a sore throat (which is very serious, as you can imagine) he goes instinctively to a special ‘short tree’ area of the savannah where he can munch leaves at an easier level and hang with other sick giraffes while they all recover together.
When Steven Spielberg heard about this he thought ‘What a swell movie that would make.’ So he went to Africa and spent millions in … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/giraffes/
A shaggy little tale by rosecatt.
Back in the glory days of movie musicals, out of work actors often took up singing with the idea of auditioning for these hot properties. Unfortunately, some of the most impressive dramatic actors were miserable failures in the singing department and if they got hired at all were relegated to the chorus, where they just went ‘Hummmmmm’ a lot. If they were desperate enough to accept such a job, they would take classes at … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/hmmmmmm/
This is by rosecatt’s friend Fred. What a dynamic duo they make.
For all his accomplishments Sandy Koufax, the legendary pitcher, is best remembered in some quarters for his remarkable decision not to pitch in a World Series game because it fell on Yom Kippur, the most solemn of Jewish holidays. What has been buried about this day for 40 years is that another Jew, Sol Solomon, was officiating in the Series. It had been Sol’s life long dream to … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/caught-in-a-kosher-pickle/
This is by rosecatt who says, “I wrote the following pun and sent it along to my pal Fred for a critique. While he liked it, he added a terrific topper throwing the entire story into a new dimension. See Fred’s story below mine.”
I went to an event benefiting fans of auto racing last weekend. Some of these poor souls can hardly afford the rental space for their RV’s and motor homes while following the circuit every summer.
Not … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/fanfare-x2/
This lovely little pun is by rosecatt. It’s been too long since we have heard from her.
Marlon Brando announced today that he will reprise his role as The Godfather. He will star in a sequel featuring a plot to whack a noted labor leader. They made him an Hoffa he couldn’t refuse.… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/brando/
By Alan B. Combs with comment by rosecatt
It came to my mind today (though surely someone else must have come up with this joke before now) that Kobe Bryant buying his wife a $4 million diamond was nothing but a piece offering.
rosecatt tells us, “It might also be a case of ‘too little too laker………..'”… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/kobe-b-kobe/
This is by rosecatt. I found one I don’t have in the collection. Thanks, rose.
A little known fact is that the “Mexican Hat Dance” was originally invented by the Jews, during the reigns of King David and King Solomon. A special hat with a wide brim was invented, and the dancers danced to the hymns written by the aforementioned kings.
I don’t know what they called the hat itself. but I have read that the whole idea was ridiculed … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/hats/
I received this from rosecatt. The author is unknown.
The Baptist couple felt it important to own an equally Baptist pet, so they went shopping. At the kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot.
When they asked the dog to fetch the BIBLE, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-baptist-dog/
This was sent by rosecatt [rosecatt@webtv.net]. It is by her friend Fred who gives a pretty good critique on puns, as well. Thanks, y’all.
An aging Nick Nolte was trying to trim down for a new movie role which featured flashbacks to when his character was much younger.
He exercised, had a facial peel, dieted, ate nothing but health foods, and didn’t have a single drink for 6 months. At the end of that time he looked fabulous except for … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/nick-nolte/
A collaboration between Rose Katz (aka rosecatt) and Alan B. Combs. As of 2010, we haven’t heard from rosecatt for a couple of years. We miss her, indeed.)
Esther and Ruth were sisters rooming together in a nice Jewish resort in the Catskills called the Savoy Vacation Club. The ladies chose it because they got a kick out of the club’s nickname (everyone called it ‘The Oy Vey’ for short) and because there was always a chance that a little … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-short-megillah/
This is one of the latest by rosecatt, bless her heart.
My friend Fred is traveling by train this weekend and through dedicated research he discovered that Amtrak wants new business so badly that they are now offering some pretty cool amenities!
For instance – you can buy a train ticket that is customized to your particular lifestyle and/or entertainment preferences. If you are a music lover, you can travel on the Jazz Train or the Rock & Roll Train … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/freds-train-trip/
This is submitted with thanks to rosecatt.
Consider the lemming. During the long Arctic winter, with little or no entertainment available on the harsh tundra, the tiny lemming does what comes naturally – he makes love! If the winter is especially severe, there are so many lemmings by Springtime that there is only one thing to do: migrate to a less populated area.
Thus, so many lemmings try to get to what they hope will be excellent new homes that … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/lemmings/
This is another original from rosecatt.
Don’t know if you have heard, but Hollywood has re-released two recent movies as a double feature in dinner theaters. “The Blair Witch Project” is being paired with “Ishtar”, and a combination ticket for dinner and he show is $24.95. The venue has turned out to be so popular that crowd control is necessary at the ticket booth, and patrons must stand in a maze until their turn to purchase tickets is announced by … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/double-feature/
This is by rosecatt.
The US Navy, in it’s ongoing Dolphin Project has determined that one of the most talented dolphins, named “Harry” is quite deaf. He has lately been unable to use his sonar skills to full advantage, yet he is highly trained and an asset to the program. They don’t want to lose Harry. A clever scientest has fitted Harry with a special hearing aid, and it has done wonders for … Raising Harry’s Sonar.… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-dolphin/
By rosecatt
In a new marketing strategy, a toymaker and a dairy company have joined forces to manufacture an all natural, edible modeling clay for the little ones. It’s called Yoplait-Doh.
This material has been judged safe even for very young babies. In fact, when well chilled, it becomes an excellent teething aid. Of course if the baby is too young to actually make anything with the product, you will have to help. But ‘if you build it, they will … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/new-yogurt-2/
By rosecatt
Sven, a rather lazy Swiss college student, was having trouble satisfying graduation credit requirements at Alpine University.
Skipping class yet again to wander around on the lower edge of a pretty small mountain (for he had not the inclination to climb very high, as usual) he happened to hear an accomplished yodeler sending out a terrific rendition of an old Alpine Yodeling Song which went something like “Yodel-eee-ooooo delllllll-teeee-ooooo del-tee-ooooooooooo yo del-teeeeeee ooooooooooooo”. It reverberated nicely, especially the … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/sven-the-lazy-yodeler/