March 13, 2023 Pun of the Day
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/march-13-2023-pun-of-the-day/
January 11, 2023 Pun of the Day
… http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/january-11-2023-pun-of-the-day/
Religious Fundamentalists
A friend of mine is very inclined to religious fundamentalism. Among other groups, he has been studying the Quakers, the Mennonites, and the Amish. He just cannot decide whom to join, and this has become a source of great confusion and anguish to him. Hypertension and cardiac symptoms have resulted. Finally, he heard some very helpful advice in a TV advertisement – “Ask your doctor if your heart is strong enough for sects.”… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/religious-fundamentalists/
Just Duckserts
Submitted by Mike Franklin.
Three women die together in an accident
And go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says,
‘We only have one rule here in heaven:
Don’t step on the ducks!’
So they enter heaven, and sure enough,
There are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,
And although they try their best to avoid them,
The first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/just-duckserts/
About Belief Systems
In a spirit of adventure, I have been looking into various current Christian belief systems. These include the Catholics, Lutherans, Anglicans, Methodists, Baptists, Presbyterians, and Pentecostals, among others.
Suddenly, it came to me that I should visit the doctor to ask if my heart is strong enough for sects.… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/belief-systems/
First Christmas Joke 2013?
Mike Franklin sent in the following little gem.
There seems to be room for all sorts of jokes here so may I suggest something seasonal?
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
‘In honor of this holy season’ Saint Peter said, ‘You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.’
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. ‘It’s a candle’, … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/first-christmas-joke-2013/
The Witching Time of Fright
The Witching Time of Fright” by Cynthia MacGregor from “The Ants Are My Friends” by Richard Lederer & Stan Kegel (©2007)
There was a woman “of a certain age,” and age had not been kind to her. In fact, her appearance caused some to call her a witch, a fact she eventually turned to her advantage.
You see, the woman had seen both Hannibal Lecter movies and decided she would emulate his example. But unlike cannibal Hannibal, the woman ate … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-witching-time-of-fright/
Punslingers Round Three (Video)
The third round of Punslingers involved eight competitors in four matches:
I was running low on batteries at this point, so I apologize for the abrupt break in the middle.
Topics covered included:
– Famous Vehicles
– Theatre
– Religion
– Tubes… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/punslingers-round-three-video/
Punniest of Show 2nd Place: Alex Petri
Alex Petri’s Biblical skit earned her 39 points and a tie for first place, but she lost in a poll of audience noise.
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/punniest-of-show-2nd-place-alex-petri/
For Those Needing Biblical Interpretation of Current Events
Forwarded to us by Lowrie.
For those who haven’t heard, Washington State just passed two laws about gay marriage and legalized marijuana.
The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense because Leviticus 20:13 says:
“If a man lies with another man they should be stoned.”
We just hadn’t interpreted it correctly before.
… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/for-those-needing-biblical-interpretation-of-current-events/
A Graduate Student Haggadah
Posted on Puns@yahoogroups.com, by Stan Kegel. The Haggadah is the text of the ceremony perfomed at the start of every Passover Sedar dinner. The author of this fantasy/satire is by an unknown graduate student working on his Ph.D.
A GRADUATE STUDENT HAGGADAH
Leader: Welcome to the Graduate student Seder. Every year we gather together to tell the story of our forefathers’ liberation from graduate school.
Participant: Retelling the story of our time in graduate school is a sacred duty. Even … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-graduate-student-haggadah/
A Really Olde Rerun
A Really Olde Rerun
The current Pope served for about seven years before announcing retirement.
Last time around when the College of Cardinals selected Pope Benedict, one
of the cardinals that was in the running was Cardinal Anton Scola. The newspapers
say he’s in the running again, but has the same problem as last time — no one
thinks the Church should have a Pope Scola.
… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-really-olde-rerun/
Why Lessons in Political Correctness May Be Needed for Men
Sensitivity Training For Men
This was forwarded by Lowrie B who actually deleted certain ones.
* I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair; but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning!
* Went to our local bar with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting “pedophile!” and other names at me, just because my girlfriend … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/why-lessons-in-political-correctness-may-be-needed-for-men/
Hide and Sikh
This little picture pun is making the rounds on the internet. It’s creator is unknown.
… http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/hide-and-sikh/
Bulwer Lytton (Combs’ Losing Entry, 2012)
Once again, through what can only be gross discrimination or uncommon good taste (pun intended), this wonderful entry fell flat. Well, there’s always next year.
The thought that the world contains so many transgressors and so few reformers trying to put an end to their evil haunted the preacher as he tried to save those wretched cunnilinguists from their preferred depravity by alluding to their theological doom in his sermon, “Insinuate.”
… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/bulwer-lytton-combs-losing-entry-2012/
Brothel Sues Church (Adult Content)
Stan Kegel recently posted this to the Puns at Yahoo group. I do think it is an older tale, one that speaks too well to our human condition.
Diamond D’s brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business. In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church.
Work on Diamond D’s progressed right up until the week before … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/brothel-sues-church-adult-content/
New Quickies
Here’s a new list of short ones making the rounds. Thanks to Don Drinnon.
I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. Yep – it’s syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. BUT, He says he can stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/14245/
How to get to Heaven from Ireland
This is from Brother Tom Vickery. It has an ancient flavor to it, but it was missing from the collection.
I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to Heaven. I asked them, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?”
“NO!” the children answered.
“If I cleaned the church … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/how-to-get-to-heaven-from-ireland/
Sub-Atomic Puns
These puns are stolen from various spots all over the internet. Most of them are older than the internet itself.
The compilation is mine…
They say all are welcome to worship, but even the Catholic Church has to have some standards. One Sunday morning, Father Bohr was having a hard time keeping undesirables out.
First was Dr. Schrodinger and his cat. The priest said, “You can’t bring that cat in here. It looks half dead!”
An electron, a proton and … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/sub-atomic-puns/
A King Size Bed
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-king-size-bed/
What Was That Word?
This was forwarded by Bro. Tom Vickery. It is not too new, but certainly deserves to be added to the collection. Thanks, Tom.
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, “I have a praise.
Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/what-was-that-word/
Da End Iss Near
From Sonya. I am 25% Scandihoovian; to her honor, she’s more than that.
Ole is the Pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church and Pastor Sven is the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road.
One day they are seen pounding a sign into the ground, which said:
DA END ISS NEAR!
TURN YERSELF AROUNT NOW
BAFOR IT ISS TOO LATE!
As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells, “Leave people alone, … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/da-end-iss-near/
The Magic Well
This gentle tale was posted by Stan Kegel on puns@yahoo.com.
A woman had a magic well.
She would put her pail on the edge of the well and clap her hands and the well would dispense a measured amount of water into the pail. The only problem was that the well would never give out the same amount of water.
This distressed the woman and she decided that she would consult the neighborhood priest.
She showed the priest the problem … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-magic-well/
Heaven Can Be Tricky
This warning was posted a few years ago on Yahoo’s shaggy dog page.
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the
scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead
for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of
the road. It … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/heaven-can-be-tricky/
Worship
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/worship/