All posts tagged Mel Lett


This sad tale comes from Mel Lett.

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house and, after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one says, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.”

The other man says, “What’s the name of the restaurant?”

The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration, and finally says … Read the rest...

Thoughts on Getting Old

From Mel Lett.

OLD AGE The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let her know.

Old age, I decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have … Read the rest...


Mel Lett sent this punish collection.

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.

In a London, England cemetery:

Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767

A lawyer’s epitaph in England:

Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.

In a cemetery in England:

Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was

Read the rest...

An Old Man At the Jewelry Shop

Mel Lett, as he does frequently, sent these helpful words of wisdom. I got more than one “Hummph!” from the ladies about this one. Made me feel like a camel.

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it … Read the rest...

British Hospitality

This was sent by Mel Lett.

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness.

After a while, he finds himself in a very high class neighborhood – big, stately residences, no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all …NO … Read the rest...

Texas Travelogue

Mel Lett keeps on sending this excellent material.

Chuck was sitting in an airplane when another fellow took a seat beside him. The new guy was an absolute wreck — pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear. “Hey pal, what’s the matter?” Chuck asked.

“Oh, man — I’ve been transferred to Texas,” the other guy answered, “there’s crazy people in Texas –and they have shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, high crime rate…”

“Hold on,” Chuck interrupted, “I’ve … Read the rest...

Waking up Dead

Mel Lett sent this altogether too true tale.

An older couple is lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night’s sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, “Don’t touch me.”

“Why not?” he asks.

She answers back, “Because I’m dead.”

The husband says, “What are you talking about? We’re both lying here in bed together and talking to one another.”

She says, “No, I’m definitely dead.”

He insists, “You’re not dead. What in the world … Read the rest...

The Old Ball Players

This geriatric tale is from Mel Lett.

Two ninety-one year old men, Moe and Sam, have been friends all their lives. It seems that Sam is dying of cancer, and Moe comes to visit him every day.

“Sam,” says Moe, “you know how we have both loved baseball all our lives, and how we played minor league ball together for so many years. Sam, you have to do me one favor. When you get to Heaven, and I know you … Read the rest...

North Carolina Redneck

This is an old and classical tale. It comes from Mel Lett.

A filthy rich North Carolina man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ (with coleslaw) and flirting with all the women.

At the … Read the rest...

The Old Rooster

This is another, old, classic tale from Mel Lett.

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, “OK, old fart, time for you to retire.”

The old rooster replies, “Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can’t you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?”… Read the rest...

Hang Gliding in Kentucky

This came from Mel Lett. The author is not known.

Deep in Kentucky, you don’t see too many people hang-gliding. Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge– into the wind he goes!

Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sittin’ on the porch swing talkin bout the good ol days when Maw … Read the rest...

Locked Out of the Car

Mel Lett continues to be my source for these excellent old stories.

A woman received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left work and stopped by the pharmacy for some medication for her daughter. When returning to her car she found she had locked her keys inside.

She had to get home to her sick daughter, and didn’t know what to do. She called home to the baby sitter, and was told her … Read the rest...

Bumper Stickers and Taglines

Most of these were sent by Mel Lett.


Constipated People Don’t Give A crap.

If You Can Read This, I’ve Lost My Trailer.

Horn Broken… Watch For Finger.

The Earth Is Full – Go Home.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

I Have The Body Of A God – Buddha.

So Many Pedestrians – So Little Time.

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.

If We

Read the rest...

Speak Only English

Mel Lett sent us this little morality play.

An officer in the U.S. Naval reserve was attending a conference that included admirals from both the U.S. Navy and the French navy. At a cocktail reception, he found himself in a small group that included personnel from both navies. The French admiral started complaining that, whereas, Europeans learned many languages, Americans learned only English.

He then asked: “Why is it that we have to speak English in these conferences, rather than … Read the rest...

Railroad History, Perhaps

This unusual bit of history* comes from Mel Lett. I have not thoroughly researched its authenticity, but it certainly fits my image of the way the world is.

The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used?

Because that’s the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads.

Why did the English build them like that?

Because the first rail

Read the rest...


Mel Lett sent us this story.

There were two young lovers who were really into spiritualism and “reincarnation.” They vowed that if either of them died, the one remaining would try to contact the partner in the world beyond exactly 30 days after their death.

Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later.

At the seance, she … Read the rest...

The Shaggy Pirate

This version of this wicked old gem was sent by Mel Lett. Kinda makes me wanna go, “Arrggghhh!”

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”

“What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.”

“What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”

“Well, we were in a fierce battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.”… Read the rest...

Animal Rights

This tale is from Mel Lett. The author is not known, but I think it is quite old. Mel prefers the credit, ” This tale is from Mel Lett, Former C.H.P OFFICER #4422; The author is not known, but I think it is quite old because he is.”

A Rabbi, a Hindu and a lawyer were driving late at night in the country when their car conked out. They set out to find help and came to a farmhouse.

When … Read the rest...

The Bad Brother

Mel Lett just reminded me of this ancient, venerable tale. In a flash, it came to me — I think I first heard this story from him in high school. Yeah, that makes it at least fifty years old. Nothing new under the sun, the prophet says. . .

The bad brother died. He was missed by his good brother, since he loved him despite his evil ways. Many years later, the good brother died and went to Heaven. Everything … Read the rest...

Boudreaux Fishin’ (A Shaggy Cajun)

Another from Mel Lett.

Boudreaux been fish’n down by de bayou all day an he done run outa night crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wit a big frog in his mout. He knowed dat dem big bass fish like frogs, so he decided to steal dat froggie.

Dat snake, he be a cotton moufed water moccasin so he had to be real careful or he’d get bit. He snuk up behine de snake … Read the rest...


This story comes from Mel Lett.

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, “This bull mated 50 times last year.”

The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, “He mated 50 times last year.”

They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, “This … Read the rest...

New Grape Varietal

I originally received this from Mel Lett. I more recently received a version from Sonia Schali. After seeing all those Detrol™ commercials, there will be a great market for this product. I would recommend y’all run out and buy stock.

For all you wine lovers out there…

California vintners in the Napa Valley area that primarily produces the Pinot’s have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic and will reduce the number of trips an older person … Read the rest...

The Blonde at a Football Game

A timely tale from Mel Lett. And how are them Aggies doin’ this year?

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench… After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do … Read the rest...

Apparent Marital Discord

This version of this old tale was sent to us by Mel Lett. Thank you.

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough.”

“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other, any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick … Read the rest...

Bran Muffins

A tragico-comedic tale of “living right” from Mel Lett.

The couple was 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife’s insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn’t help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane … Read the rest...