Toby Miceli-Gwiazdowski scores a perfect 40 points in Punniest of Show at the 2017 O. Henry Pun-Off with a legal-themed performance focused on Donald Trump. He lost in a cheer off after the entries.
All posts tagged Legal
Punniest of Show 2017 Second Place: Toby Miceli-Gwiazdowski
Posted by Brian P. Combs on May 19, 2017
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/punniest-show-2017-second-place-toby-miceli-gwiazdowski/
A Seasonal Feghoot
Mike Franklin sent in this little adventure of our friend Ferdinand Feghoot.
On a December trip to Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, Ferdinand Feghoot was summoned to the local college, Wossamotta U. by Inspector Fenwick, the Chief of Police. There he was confronted with an appalling scene. Bullwinkle, the town’s leading citizen, had been smashed flatter than a kippered herring by a falling safe.
“It’s a common enough means of death for cartoon characters,” Fenwick opined. “Every year we lose five or … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on December 22, 2014
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/seasonal-feghoot/
Not a Boaring Advertisement
Dave Wallace submitted this punny advertisement from down under. He says that Americans might need to look up Pig’s Arse in the Urban Dictionary.
… Posted by Brian P. Combs on April 7, 2014
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/not-a-boaring-advertisement/
Texas Sheriff Exam
This is from classmate Sonya. It ended up a lot sweeter than I thought it might.
A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6′ 2″, strong as a longhorn and fast as mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.
When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working — in a West Texas Sheriff’s Department.
After a series of … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on August 16, 2013
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/texas-sheriff-exam/
The Witching Time of Fright
The Witching Time of Fright” by Cynthia MacGregor from “The Ants Are My Friends” by Richard Lederer & Stan Kegel (©2007)
There was a woman “of a certain age,” and age had not been kind to her. In fact, her appearance caused some to call her a witch, a fact she eventually turned to her advantage.
You see, the woman had seen both Hannibal Lecter movies and decided she would emulate his example. But unlike cannibal Hannibal, the woman ate … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on June 20, 2013
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-witching-time-of-fright/
For Those Needing Biblical Interpretation of Current Events
Forwarded to us by Lowrie.
For those who haven’t heard, Washington State just passed two laws about gay marriage and legalized marijuana.
The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense because Leviticus 20:13 says:
“If a man lies with another man they should be stoned.”
We just hadn’t interpreted it correctly before.
… Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 10, 2013
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/for-those-needing-biblical-interpretation-of-current-events/
A Mime is a Terrible Thing to Waste
Another story from Joe Blake.
Whilst Welsh miners are noted worldwide for their musical ability, there have been instances of other talents being discovered “down the pits”. One case which comes to mind was that of “Silent Llewellyn” who was, of all things, an excellent mime artist. Whilst it was not something he could exercise very successfully in the semi-dark of the workface – for example his mime of “She Stopes to Conquer” both went down like a lead balloon … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on December 22, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-mime-is-a-terrible-thing-to-waste/
Don’t Be Shellfish
Some black humor (or “humour”, as he would say) from Dave Wallace.
When Mr. Wilkins answered the door late in the evening the day after he’d lost his wife scuba diving, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen. “We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.”
“Well…tell me!” he demanded.
The policeman said, “We have some bad news, some pretty good news, and some really great news. Which do … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on September 28, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/dont-be-shellfish/
Brothel Sues Church (Adult Content)
Stan Kegel recently posted this to the Puns at Yahoo group. I do think it is an older tale, one that speaks too well to our human condition.
Diamond D’s brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business. In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church.
Work on Diamond D’s progressed right up until the week before … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on July 25, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/brothel-sues-church-adult-content/
Drinking and Driving
This was posted on puns@yahoogroups.com. It could do as well as a St. Paddy’s Day tale.
Recently, during a routine patrol, an RCMP patrolman parked down the street outside a Legion Hall just off the main road in Gander NF, Canada.
After last call, the officer observed a man leaving the Legion Hall. The gentleman was so intoxicated that he could barely walk. He then stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on March 21, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/drinking-and-driving/
The Three Shaggy Bears
This was submitted by Dave Wallace.
By mid-morning, Goldilocks was exhausted. After the adrenaline rush subsided, and she had made the beds and cleaned up after the bears, and made and eaten a new bowl of porridge for herself, she really need a cuppa. Earl Grey. But not any Earl Grey. The very pinnacle of Earl grey teas – Alley brand – the Choice of Emperors. She put one and a half cups of water in the kettle and set … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on January 31, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-three-shaggy-bears/
A Holiday Warning
These words of wisdom come from Bill Pardue.
I would like to share an experience with you all, about drinking and driving.
As you well know, some of us (not me) have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years. A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many bubbles and some rather nice chardonnay.… Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on December 20, 2011
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-holiday-warning/
A Legal Question…
Posted by Brian P. Combs on June 7, 2011
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-legal-question/
Pizza Delivery
This was posted on the groaners listserv.
FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on June 1, 2011
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/pizza-delivery/
An Amish Woman
This was published on the yahoogroups.com punsite by Anna Welander.
An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer
stopped her. “I’m not going to cite you,” said the officer. “I just wanted to warn you
that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be
dangerous.”
“I thank thee,” replied the Amish lady. “I shall have my husband repair it
as soon as I return home.”
“Also,” said the … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 23, 2011
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/an-amish-woman/
The Moonshiner
This was posted on the groaners listserv
The origin of this tale appears to be an Irish folksong.
The story starts with a young lady whose primary occupation was brewing and distributing ‘shine. One day, as she transported her product to the black market, she had truck trouble and had to stop by the side of the road. A young man named Tommy was passing by and stopped to help her.
He was unaware of her illegal activities and remained … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 2, 2011
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-porcine-story-2/
The Ambidexterous Golfer
This rude little tale was published on the groaners listserv a few years ago.
Four lawyers in a law firm lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. It was their favorite moment of the week. Then one of the lawyers was transferred to an office in another city. It wasn’t quite the same without him.
A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. One day she overheard the remaining three talking about their golf round in the … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 23, 2011
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-ambidexterous-golfer/
Halloween Humor in a Jugular Vein*
From the groaners listserv and from the book referenced below.
We all love to travel, and vampires, too, need their rest and relaxation. So Count Dracula went on a tour of Europe.
Having not had a meal since he’d left the homeland of Transylvania, he was very glad when a town constable knocked on his hotel door and asked the count to show him his passport. It didn’t take Dracula long to grab the policemen and suck every drop of … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 26, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/halloween-humor-in-a-jugular-vein/
The Drinker’s Alphabet
Clearly not politically correct, but funny; this comes from the groaners listserv and many others.
A- Alcohol: The key to surviving High School or College
B- Beer: It’s what’s for dinner…and breakfast and lunch
C- Class: What you’re supposed to get up and go to after last night’s party
D- Dancing: A favorite pastime of almost every drunk, usually looks pathetic
E- Emergency: The keg is empty or there is no one over 21 in your drinking party
F- Fucked … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 22, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-drinkers-alphabet/
Anti-Crime Program
A quickie by Bob Dvorak.
The mayor of a certain large Midwestern city decided to press a new anti-crime program via the Police Department called the “Zero Urban Problems” program.
Each morning at roll call, the sergeant finished with “Let’s be careful out there.” When a rookie asked why he always said that, his partner answered, “He’s the Head-ZUP guy.”… Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 21, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/anti-crime-program/
Halloween Riddles Part 1
From the groaners listserv.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend (Clynch Varnadore)
Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite
Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
It had no body to dance with.
Whom did the ghost invite to his party?
Anyone he could dig up.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
… Read the rest...No, they
Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 17, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/halloween-riddles-part-1/
Bennie The Rod
From the groaners listserv.
Big Louie the Torpedo was becoming increasingly curious about one of the newer members of his mob, Benny the Rod. Benny had been in the business for many years in another part of the country. During that time he had garnered quite a reputation for being the most conscientious and honorable hit man available.
He was also considered quite eccentric, perhaps odd, in that for the last ten years or so he always kept one hand … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 3, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/bennie-the-rod/
Shaggy Halfling XVII
Irregular Webcomic! is by David Morgan-Mar. Occasionally, he includes wonderful puns. This one was originally published on September 22, 2010.
This work is copyrighted and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 Unported Licence by David Morgan-Mar.… Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on September 29, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/shaggy-halfling-xvii/
Elephant Hunting Tactics Of Various Professionals
From the groaners listserv.
In order to hunt elephants:
A Programmer…
Begins at the tip of South Africa
Performs alternating west to east and east to west searches
Decrements the latitude argument in a non integer sequence between each search
Finds an animal
Compares found animal to a known elephant
If found animal matches known elephant terminates search, else Resumes at 3
End
An Experienced Programmer…
… Read the rest...Places an elephant in Cairo, Egypt to ensure that the search will terminate properly
Posted by Alan B. Combs on September 24, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/elephant-hunting-tactics-of-various-professionals/
Shaggy Halfling XVI
Irregular Webcomic! is by David Morgan-Mar. Occasionally, he includes wonderful puns. This one was originally published on June 14, 2010.
This work is copyrighted and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 Unported Licence by David Morgan-Mar.… Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on September 11, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/shaggy-halfling-xvi/