Jim Ertner was Punster of the Year for 2008. He won Punniest of Show in the 2002 O. Henry Pun-Off, and finished second in 2006 and 2001.
These are from the groaners listserv.
Why did the skeleton go to the hospital ?
To have his ghoul stones removed !
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain ?
He could feel it in his bones !
What do you call a skeleton who won’t get up in the mornings ?
Lazy bones !
What do boney people use to get into their homes ?
Skeleton keys !
What happened to the boat that sank in … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/halloween-riddles-part-2/
This is a series of car puns from P.U.N.Y. The usual suspects are identified.
What did the demolition driver do to cars?
He rectum (Doug Specter)
What did the Indian wrecker truck driver do with cars?
He totem (Doug Specter)
What did the CPA do to his car?
He totaled it (Doug Specter)
What did the mink coat salesman do with cars?
He stole them (Doug Specter)
What do Polish people do with their cars?
… Read the rest...They polish them (Doug Specter)
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/car-quiz/
This is a pun cascade from many of the folks at P.U.N.Y.
From our vantage overlooking the Hudson at West Point, we could see, near the top of a hill on the other side, a castle [purportedly] used in the filming of The Wizard of Oz, complete with a moat. Apparently it won’t be used in future productions. It’s been demoated.
Bob Dvorak
If the castle is not being used, we should consider the ditch around it to be moot.… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/west-point/
This is a recent series of puns on the PUNY listserv.
What’s a large animal that, when it walks back and forth, back and forth, and makes you very sleepy to look at it?
A hypnopotamus!
Cyn (MacGregor)
= = = = =
What greeting in a nudest camp makes you think of an animal?
A Buff Hello
Stan (Kegel)
= = = = =
Q: What does the father Buff Hello say when he drops his kid off at … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/puns-on-the-animal-kingdom/
This was a pun cascade on P.U.N.Y.
The big news recently is the Iowa caucuses. Supposedly, LBJ didn’t have much use for caucuses and once said that the difference between a caucus and a cactus was the following: With a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.
Charles W.
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I always figured a “caw-cuss” was the noise a crow makes when he’s really pissed.
Gary Hallock
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And the noise an angry bovine makes is a cow-cuss.
Jim Ertner… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/iowa-caucuses/
This was a recent cascade on PUNY.
My former graduate student says that each time she visits Beijing or Shanghai, it always seems that she’s been there before. I think it’s a clear case of Asia vu.
Alan B. Combs
In his declining years our recently deceased Republican president daily attempted to regain bits of his memory by watching videotapes of his trip to China. Yogi Berra noted that it seemed like Asia vu all over Reagan.
GARY HALLOCK
I’ve … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/china-redux/
This routine placed 2nd in the 2001 Punoff and is by Jim Ertner in his first appearance at a Punoff.
This is horseracing time of the year, especially with the triple crown events — one of which is actually running today. (In fact, I put on this ponytail just to get in the spirit.) My mind wanders much further back, though, to one of the world’s most famous horse riders, namely, Lady Godiva.
In her most celebrated ride, Lady Godiva … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/punoff-2001-silver-medal-jim-ertner/
Wherein begins a pun cascade started by Bob Dvorak and other participants on the PUNY listserv.
Kathleen was a wreck. She’d just caught Jim fooling around (again) with another girl. What to do? What to do?
Making up her mind, she looked up “Witches” in the Yellow Pages and made an appointment to see Ms. Serry.
When she arrived she was even more agitated than before. Although the receptionist offered her a seat, some tea, and something to read, Kathleen … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/which-story/
Jim Ertner sent the following to the PUNY listserv.
As the brand-new Queen Mary 2 is about to complete her first transatlantic crossing, I’m reminded of the legendary fish that were swimming in the Atlantic Ocean. “Look at that huge cloud overhead,” said one fish to another; “there must be a big storm up there.”
“No,” rejoindered the other, “that’s just the Queen Mary’s bottom.”
“In that case,” replied the first fish, “God save the king!”… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/queen-mary-ii-maiden-voyage/
This was a recent pun cascade on the PUNY listserv.
It can be very difficult, when asked to write a story or a play, to not base any characters on people you already know. When you are a teenager, more often than not this means that your family members play some part in the part in your play, whether you intend them to or not.
This was just the case for Dorothy. Her drama class had written plays the year … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/starring-auntie-em-as-the-good-witch-glinda/
From: Jim Ertner [ertner@psnsbsn.navy.mil] and was posted on the groaners listserv.
I, too, once had a friend, Joe, who worked in the coal mines. Unfortunately, he was killed in a freak accident when some movers lost their grip on a grand piano they were transporting; the piano fell down the mine shaft and crushed Joe to death. A local composer wrote an orchestral piece in memory of Joe: It was called “Symphony in A Flat Miner.”… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/in-memory-of-joe/