Another gentle tale by Himie Kosevoy.
The automobile has banned the horse from the highways of the
continent, and no more so than from the mighty bridges across the
great rivers, for the slow steed would create intolerable tie-ups if
he were allowed into those slim bottlenecks.
None of this, of course, prevented a university fraternity deciding
to force one of its pledges to drive a horse and buggy across a busy
bridge as part of initiation week.
The pledge … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-horse-and-carriage/
This is by Himie Koshevoy who has many other excellent puns in this collection.
The automobile has banned the horse from the highways of the continent, and no more so than from the mighty bridges across the great rivers, for the slow steed would create intolerable tie-ups if he were allowed into those slim bottlenecks.
None of this, of course, prevented a university fraternity deciding to force one of its pledges to drive a horse and buggy across a busy … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/horse-and-buggy/
This pun cascade appeared on the groaners listserv. It is by Chomi.
Clifford Clarke was a careless chap. Every hostess hated him. They feared for their precious porcelain and good furniture whenever this emulator of a china shop bull appeared. His reputation spread and eventually he became a pariah. No one would ask him to a party for fear of damage.
Then one charitable, kindly woman felt sorry for him. “C. C. can’t be all that bad,” she said. “The … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-klutz/
This was posted on the groaners listserv. It is by Himie Koshevoy.
To celebrate Canada’s Centennial year of 1967, Vancouver, British Columbia, built a magnificent planetarium that has played to standing room audiences since it opened. Many of its visitors are students of secondary schools, and one school decided to produce a play wherein the student players would enact the roles of heavenly bodies. The teacher who had written the play, chose her cast and awarded the roles to those … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/astronomy/
By Himie Koshevoy
Critics of creativity are never popular with the artists they criticize be it theater, movies or art. To be liked by everyone they would have to praise everything but then their judgment could not be trusted. Tate Cone was an acerbic judge of the stage in eastern Canada. His tool was a barbed wire pen dipped in acid that wrote only on sandpaper. He upbraided every artist and he became satisfactorily hated.
One day the odds caught … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-critic/
There are several puns in this collection, the understanding of which could serve as an age barometer. This tale from Himie Koshevoy’s collection is another of these.
In the ancient city of Hurraburu in the land of Nippon, many of the buildings were built on stilts because of the frequent rain which flooded the streets to great depths. Entry to the houses was gained using ramps leading to the first floors, well above the flood marks. On occasion there would … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/above-the-floods/
Himie Koshevoy has this fruitful effort in his “Treasure Jest of Best Puns.”
May and her mother lived in California’s bountiful Santa Clara Valley where they spent all their time preserving the luscious fruit of that abundant place. They canned and jarred whole fruit, jams, preserves and jellies as each fruit was in season and they were famous for their quality product. Deciding to try something new they bought a carload of kumquats and began the preparations for boiling and … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/preserving-the-fruit/
This was sent to the Gaggles of Groaners listserv by Bill Purcell. We both remember it from at least back to the 60s. “Himie Koshevoy’s Treasure Jest of Best Puns”, 1969, has a version of this story.
A family of skunks lived together, happily looking after each other. The two children, named In and Out, were especially close ( as these names often are).
One day they played Hide and Seek into the evening. At dusk the mother called them … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-skunk-family/
Bennett Cerf was one of the patron saints of shaggy dog stories and this story is attributed to him. A version also can be found in Himie Koshevoy’s “Treasure Jest of Best Puns”.
In the world of racehorses the thoroughbred, even though he is king, does not have much of a chance to enjoy his coltishness. Not long after he is born his training for the track begins.
After his owner has watched him gambolling about the pasture beside his … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-thoroughbred/
This story is attributed to Bennett Cerf. It also occurs in Himie Koshevoy’s “Treasure Jest of Best Puns”.
Clarence was the most talkative bird in Birdland. You could always tell when Clarence was in the rookery, it was his beak that was always open.
He had another peculiarity. While most of the flock would settle on trees or perch on power lines, he would head unerringly for the telephone cables and once settled, he seemed to talk to himself.
His … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-crow/
These are in Himie Koshevoy’s “Treasure Jest of Best Puns.”
A Spaniard, Juan by name and not nature, fell in love with Carmencita, a most possessive girl. She had heard the gossip that his was a wandering eye, but it didn’t surprise her because that trait was inherited from his primitive ancestors when they swung continually from limb to limb.
She decided there was only one way she could be certain her man would remain faithful until she could exchange … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-spanish-maiden/
A version of this tale is in Himie Koshevoy’s “Treasure Jest of Best Puns.” A similar version has been attributed to Bennett Cerf.
Wolff Kissinger was a spy. He was the bane of the Nazis during the war, for although they sought him everywhere, they were never able to lay a hand, bullet or poisoned dart on him. The reason was that Wolff was a master of disguise.
Once he was an old flower woman, calling out her posies in … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-spy/
This was written by Himie Koshevoy and posted to the Groaners listserv.
You too can write puns. Here is how you do it in one easy lesson ….
Ranch furnishing in the sage brush country is informal and haphazard. For instance, picture a kitchen with a wood range for cooking and as well, there is a second, older stove, rusting and decrepit, no longer useful except as a table. On top of it sits a squat ice refrigerator to keep … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/how-to-write-groaners/
A version of this story has been attributed to Bennett Cerf. A version can also be found in Himie Koshevoy’s “Treasure Jest of Best Puns”.
A distant cousin of Syngman Rhee from Korea got a job as a photographer for Life Magazine. His work was excellent and he soon became one of their top stars. One day he failed to show up for work. A week went by and he still did not show. Fellow workers phoned his hotel and … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-photographer/
These are in Himie Koshevoy’s “Treasure Jest of Best Puns.”
An Australian Bushland farmer decided one day that he would sell his cattle as a cash protection against a predicted drought. He called a cattle buyer who examined the bovines and set a price. Deciding it was far too low, the farmer decided he might do better by offering them for auction at the district fair. There, the cows broke loose and trampled down a gate leading to a tent … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/cattle-call/
Chris Cole remembers seeing/hearing this little gem in an old Danny Kaye movie, which was probably made in the 1940’s (black & white film). This bilingual pun was sent to Brian by Lorraine Jacques (lorraine_jacques@hotmail.com). Mercy, mercy! Himie Koshevoy has a version of this story in his “Treasure Jest of Best Puns.”
Young Marie was excited. She was going to visit her cousin Madeline in France. She was going to stay an entire summer and she was excited about meeting … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/cats-as-cats-can/
A version of this pun is in Crosbie’s Dictionary Of Puns and another variant is in Himie Koshevoy’s “Treasure Jest of Best Puns.”
A Hollywood stuntman who could perform any deed was hired to perform in a thrilling Western movie. The script called for the stuntman to become a kind of springboard. To help the white settlers escape from the persuing Indians, the script called for the daredevil to lie on a cliff’s edge and push out as far as … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/overtime-for-stuntmen/
This story comes from Gatotomaso of P.U.N.Y. He received it from his friend Jack Greenleaf in Arizona. I also received it from pesner@aol.com. A version also appeared in Himie Koshevoy’s “Treasure Jest of Best Puns.”
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born, but he is without torso, arms or legs. Nevertheless, the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/getting-ahead-in-life/
A version of this story has been ascribed to Bennett Cerf. Another version is in Himie Koshevoy’s “Treasure Jest of Best Puns.”
A small band of Cherokee Indians on a Midwest reservation was so poor it didn’t even have skins to make teepees. Other bands knew it as the bunch that had no hides to place. But this sad state was remedied one day when the chief found oil on the property. The happy juice gushed to such an extent … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/an-indian-success-story/
An early variant of this far flung tale is in Himie Koshevoy’s collection.
There are new plans in the works to build a self-sustaining space colony. At first only people would be sent to the station, followed by vegetation, then animal life. The first animal to be sent up will be the cow, since it can provide milk for the babies born on the colony. The plans are to have an entire shipment solely of cattle — it will be … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/nasas-plans/
This is another of the old ones. A version can be found in Himie Koshevoy’s “Treasure Jest of Best Puns.”
The chief of a poor Native American tribe, where there were no paved roads, no electricity, and no indoor plumbing, scrimped and saved and finally was able to send his eldest son to college. The lad did well, working hard for four years and finally graduating with a bachelor’s degree in electrical engineering.
Arriving home after graduation, the boy was … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/native-american-classic/
A variant of this story is in Himie Koshevoy’s “Treasure Jest of Best Puns.”
Every day a peddler pulled his cart of wool from his home to the village market. It was a long trip. He had to travel around the perimeter of a large lake that was owned by the town tycoon, a modern-day Scrooge.
One day during the winter the lake froze over. The peddler realized that he could cut off two miles from his trip, if he … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/frozen-story/
This is for my dear, precious Mary Ann, of course. It turns out this story is much older than I thought it was. “Himie Koshevoy’s Treasure Jest of Best Puns”, 1969, has a version of the second punchline.
It was a mystery fit only for the great Sherlock Holmes, himself. The day after every full moon, members of a Japanese fraternity would be found dead in the hall on the fourth floor. The victims were crushed and there were signs … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/pre-nissan/
Himie Koshevoy tells a version of this story.
Mother Lion and Father Lion had gone off hunting, and had told their two children not to wander away. However, a couple of small wildebeests wandered by, and the baby lions could not resist the temptation to try out their own hunting skills. They ran out, chased after the animals, killed them, and started eating them.
Just as the baby lions were reaching the end of their meal, the parents appeared in … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/about-those-big-cats/
A version of this story is in Himie Koshevoy’s “Treasure Jest of Best Puns.”
I have a friend, Ed, who lives on the coast of Maine. He is a painter and works in the local boat yard. He loves birds, and every day, before he goes to work, he feeds the shore birds that come in with the morning tides. He takes the best bird seed that he can find and mixes it with vodka so the seed is thoroughly … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/my-friend-ed/