Mike Franklin sent in this one that’s making the rounds.
How to tell the sex of an Ant?
Place Ant in glass of water.
If it sinks: Girl Ant
If it floats…..… Read the rest...
All posts tagged Gender
Sex Antics
Posted by Brian P. Combs on February 12, 2015
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/sex-antics/
Just Duckserts
Submitted by Mike Franklin.
Three women die together in an accident
And go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says,
‘We only have one rule here in heaven:
Don’t step on the ducks!’
So they enter heaven, and sure enough,
There are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,
And although they try their best to avoid them,
The first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on December 22, 2014
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/just-duckserts/
Men Have Better Friends
Proof That Men Have Better Friends
This is from Bro. Tom Vickery.
Friendship among Women:
A woman didn’t come home one night.
The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a
friend’s house.
The man called his wife’s 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn’t come home one night.
The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house.
The … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 12, 2013
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/men-have-better-friends/
A Pun that Never Gets Old!
Dave Wallace asks this timeless question:
What happens when your spouse achieves immortality?
That’s unbereavable.… Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on June 12, 2013
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-pun-that-never-gets-old/
Why Lessons in Political Correctness May Be Needed for Men
Sensitivity Training For Men
This was forwarded by Lowrie B who actually deleted certain ones.
* I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair; but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning!
* Went to our local bar with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting “pedophile!” and other names at me, just because my girlfriend … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 6, 2013
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/why-lessons-in-political-correctness-may-be-needed-for-men/
You Otter Know
This cute little picture pun is making the rounds.
Posted by Brian P. Combs on November 6, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/you-otter-know/
Superstorm Shaggy
This timely little entry is from Dave Wallace. He says he stole it from PPrune.
I just got off the phone with a friend who lives in North Dakota near the Canadian border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on November 1, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/superstorm-shaggy/
Don’t Be Shellfish
Some black humor (or “humour”, as he would say) from Dave Wallace.
When Mr. Wilkins answered the door late in the evening the day after he’d lost his wife scuba diving, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen. “We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.”
“Well…tell me!” he demanded.
The policeman said, “We have some bad news, some pretty good news, and some really great news. Which do … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on September 28, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/dont-be-shellfish/
A Cowboy Tombstone
Here are the Five Rules for Men to Follow for a Happy Life that Russell J. Larsen had inscribed on his headstone in Logan, Utah. This wisdom was contributed by Lowrie B.
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It’s important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2. It’s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It’s important to … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on August 23, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-cowboy-tombstone/
Shaggy Misdirection
There are several versions of this on the internet. This is (such as it is) one of the most socially acceptable.
It reads: Yesterday afternoon I was going back home with my gf, when I left her arm to take out my phone and then took this photo. She got angry and shouted real bad at me. Didn’t talk to me again that day. But let’s just be honest: how many times do you find a dog driving over the … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on July 6, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/shaggy-misdirection/
Let Me Be Your POSSLQ!
There is still lots of material in the archives. Lowrie sent this a couple of years ago. It’s an old classic that is long overdue.
The trouble with not sleeping well is the totally random thoughts that intrude. This morning at 5 am, here came POSSLQ, unbidden, from the memory vaults. All I could recall was that it stood for Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters, and had been used in the Census. Wikipedia revealed that it was the … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on April 24, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/let-me-be-your-posslq/
It’s a Mythunderstanding
Tom Vickery sent this little visual treat around via email. The original source is unknown.
The book, “Understanding Women” is now out in paperback.
… Posted by Brian P. Combs on March 13, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/its-a-mythunderstanding/
A Man of Few Words
Posted on the Puns@yahoogroups.com.
Once upon a time there was a prince who, through no fault of his own, was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the prince could speak only one word each year.
However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, the following year he was allowed to speak two words.
One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 24, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-man-of-few-words/
Helping Men Survive Valentine’s Day
More helpful advice from Stan Kegel.
Men often have a difficult time figuring out what to do on Valentine’s Day — and if they expect to get any …uh, make the women in their lives happy, they need to know the basics. Here it is, guys, hours before you need it — that’s plenty of time.
Step One: Remember. The minimum requirement is to let the woman know you care. The least expensive way is to look at her — … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 13, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/helping-men-survive-valentines-day/
Ya Gotta Trust Your Husband!
Words of advice and wisdom from Bro Tom Vickery.
There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband. For example…
A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 8, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/ya-gotta-trust-your-husband/
New Office Slang
This was posted at the pun page at yahoogrooups.com. If anyone has useful additions, let me know and I will post them.
404: Someone who is clueless. From the Web error message, “404 Not Found,” which means the document requested couldn’t be located. “Don’t bother asking John. He’s 404.”
Adminisphere: The rarified organizational layers above the rank and file that makes decisions that are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant.
Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 18, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/new-office-slang/
Redneck Newlyweds
I have a large stash of these from the beloved Mel Lett. I will publish them slowly over time.
A week after their marriage, the redneck went to the doctor’s office.
“You ain’t gonna believe this, Doc,” said the husband. “My whacker’s turnin’ blue.”
“That’s pretty unusual,” said the doctor. “Let me examine you.”
The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the redneck’s really is blue.
The doctor turns to the wife, “Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 14, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/redneck-newlyweds/
Barly Shaggy
Found on a web forum. Probably as old as the internet.
A man walks into a bar, notices there’s no women in there, figures it’s a gay bar but he wants a beer too much to care. So he goes up to the bartender and asks for a beer.
The bartender says “What’s the name of your penis?”
The man replies “I haven’t given my penis a name.”
The bartender says “Better give it one if you want a beer” … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on January 6, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/barly-shaggy/
Financial Planning
Mitch sent us this warning.
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.
One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. “I may look like just … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on November 2, 2011
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/financial-planning/
Things Confucius Did Not Say (But Should Have)
These are from Sonya Schali. Thank you
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up womans’ leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 13, 2011
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/things-confucius-did-not-say-but-should-have/
Vignettes of When the Fight Started…
Thanks to Bill Pardue for this collection.
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift…
The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
“Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
And that’s when the fight started……..
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, ‘Do … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on July 19, 2011
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/vignettes-of-when-the-fight-started/
Changes in Military Aviation
This one is from Lowrie B.
While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc.
Finally, she said, ‘Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan ‘
An old MSgt. sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, ‘Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman? ‘
When the attendant came … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on March 18, 2011
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/changes-military-aviation/
Computer Gender
Another salvo in the war between the sexes, this punishment was posted on the groaners listserv.
TOP 5 REASONS WHY COMPUTERS MUST BE MALE
5. They’re heavily dependent on external tools and equipment.
4. They periodically cut you off right when you think you’ve established a network connection.
3. They’ll usually do what you ask them to do, but they won’t do more than they have to and they won’t think of it on their own.
2. They’re typically obsolete … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 20, 2011
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/computer-gender/
The Black Bras
This is from cousin Jo Ann Thomas.
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, the other is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here’s how it all went.
My engaged … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 7, 2011
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-black-bras/
The Moonshiner
This was posted on the groaners listserv
The origin of this tale appears to be an Irish folksong.
The story starts with a young lady whose primary occupation was brewing and distributing ‘shine. One day, as she transported her product to the black market, she had truck trouble and had to stop by the side of the road. A young man named Tommy was passing by and stopped to help her.
He was unaware of her illegal activities and remained … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 2, 2011
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-porcine-story-2/