All posts tagged Gary Hallock

Gary Hallock

Gary Hallock began competing in the O. Henry Pun-Off World Championships. He took home the trophy in 1989 and promptly retired from competition. He formed P.U.N.Y. (Punsters United Nearly Yearly) and became the producer and emcee of the Pun-Off. He was named Punster of the Year in 1997. In his spare time, he manages the fantastic website,

New Dictionary

A pun-cascade from several of the usual suspects at P.U.N.Y. currently is advertising their new students’ dictionary
full of erroneous information: Flunk and Wagnalls.


There’s a new word compendium aimed directly at the homeless
community. It’s called the “Under-a-bridge Dictionary.”


I’ve always enjoyed thumbing through specialized dictionaries, but it bugs
me that I can’t find one on entomology.

What famous dictionary publishing house is patronized by NBA players?



A woman who wants to avoid a … Read the rest...

The Animal Wedding

This was written by Gary Hallock. It was posted on

A story book wedding was to take place in the animal kingdom. As in most story books, animals talk and interact in a human fashion and even inter-species marriages are not uncommon. (e.g. – Owl & Pussycat) The bride, a lovely young goat, was to be wedded to a very distinguished rodent, a brave soldier in her majesty’s service.

A grand ceremony was planned and many different animals were … Read the rest...

Special Thursday Punster Warm-Up

From Pun-Off guru Gary Hallock:

It has been brought to my attention that some punsters actually DO have a social life and may not have every Friday evening free. Tough as this is for me to believe, I’m going to take this leap of faith and call the bluff of those who have been using this excuse to avoid me.

This week’s FRIDAY PUNSTER WARM-UP will be held on…THURSDAY – MAY 5 –
6:30 – 10pm – OPAL DIVINE’S FREEHOUSERead the rest...

Weakly Punster Friday Warm-Up – April 29, 2011

A Friday in April means it’s time for another Pun-Off warmup. This from Gary:

6:30 – 10pm @ Joe’s Place – 1814 East Martin Luther King Boulevard – Austin, TX

This week the Punster Warm-Up moves to the east side. By special suggestion of Bert Piboin, the longest surviving contestant the Pun-Off has ever seen, our roving troop will be paying a visit to Joe’s Place on MLK @ Chicon

Target gathering time is 6:30 thru 10pm. Joe has good

Read the rest...

Friday Punster Warm-Up – APRIL 22, 2011

Gary Hallock just released the following:

We had a cozy little turnout last Friday for our first gathering in the Friday warm-up series. Or group of hard corpses were visited by veteran competitor Bert Piboin and 2010 MVP winner, Jacob Dodson who has been so emboldened by his good showing in last year’s Punniest of Show event that he’s decided to go for the PunSlinger trophy this time around. Well, these Friday warm-ups are definitely the pathway to greatness. Just

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Friday Punster Warm-Ups

Gary Hallock has the following update regarding the upcoming O. Henry Pun-Off:

Greeting Pun-Off contestants,

Those of you who have competed in the Pun-Off before are likely familiar with our FRIDAY PUNSTER WARM-UPS. Each week of the month prior to our contest, we host an informal gathering of contestants and other fans of the event. You need not be a confirmed competitor to participate or benefit from these opportunities. Even if you’re only doing Punniest of Show you’re still going

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O.Henry Pun-Off Registration

The O.Henry PUG (Pun-Off Guru) Gary Hallock has made the first announcement regarding the 2011 O.Henry Pun-Off:

Much to my own surprise, the registration page for the 2011 O.Henry Pun-Off is now officially open, right on schedule. (Contest is Saturday, May 21) Please click on the link below to be taken directly to the registration page.

While you’re there, please take a moment to consider also attending our PUNY dinner at the Spaghetti
Warehouse on Friday evening before the

Read the rest...

Current Events — Interage Marriage

This ia a pun cascade from P.U.N.Y.

Playboy Founder Hugh Hefner Engaged to 24-Year-Old

The 84-year-old announces his engagement to model Crystal
Harris on Twitter.

The above – seriously! – is from today’s news.

I can guess what wedding gifts they’ll exchange: She’ll give
him an Erector set, and he’ll give her a do-it-yourself kit.

Charles Wukash

A bunny thing happened on the way to the nursing home.

Gary Hallock

I thought young gal would play boy, man shun.

Chris … Read the rest...

A PUNY Thanksgiving Dictionary

A seasonal offering from the PUNY listserv.

A yam: First person singular present of “to be” as in, “A yam very happy that everyone was able to be here tonight” (Cynthia MacGregor)

Breast: The part of the bird little kids love to ask for because they’re getting away with saying one of “those” words without getting punished for it (Cynthia MacGregor)

Brussels Sprouts: Das Kindergartners (in my best fractured pseudoFlemish) (Bob Dvorak)

Candied Yams: Descartes telling it like it is… … Read the rest...

Halloween Poetry

From those punsters on the limericks and haiku listserv:

On Monday the coven was shocked
To learn that a witch had been socked
She took quite a beating
At last wiccan’s meeting
So this week the back doors warlocked
(Gary Hallock)

To frighten the chicks Tom devises
Sheets of white, for turkeys, wise is
His gobblin’ will fool
Those chicks so uncool
This poultry guised pullets surprises
(Gary Hallock)

One of those dead old pha-raohs
Once asked his dad why … Read the rest...

A Halloween Love Story

Published on the P.U.N.Y and the groaners listserv, this tender tale is by the incomparable punster Gary Hallock.

An ugly old minister, Hume
Too many dark peas did consume
     It killed him, that’s shown
     That’s why he’s now known
As preacher from the black legume

One night under bloody full moon
The time of the month made for woo’in
     Hume went on the prowl
     And heard his ghoul howl
And knew he cadaver real soon

Hume asked her “Would you

Read the rest...

Halloween Riddles Part 3

Continuing the Halloween Riddles.

Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game?
     Their bats flew away (Gary Hallock)

What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
     A dead ringer.

What do you call two witches living together?

What would you find on a haunted beach?
     A sand witch.

Why does the Mummy keep his Band-aids in the refrigerator?
     He wants to use them later for cold cuts!

How do ghosts begin letters?
     “Tomb it may concern”… Read the rest...

Halloween Riddles Part 2

These are from the groaners listserv.

Why did the skeleton go to the hospital ?

To have his ghoul stones removed !

How did the skeleton know it was going to rain ?

He could feel it in his bones !

What do you call a skeleton who won’t get up in the mornings ?

Lazy bones !

What do boney people use to get into their homes ?

Skeleton keys !

What happened to the boat that sank in … Read the rest...

Halloween Riddles Part 1

From the groaners listserv.

Why do girl ghosts go on diets?

So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?

His ghoul friend (Clynch Varnadore)

Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?

To improve his bite

Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?

It had no body to dance with.

Whom did the ghost invite to his party?

Anyone he could dig up.

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?

No, they

Read the rest...

Halloween Groaner II

Another Halloween Groaner, this time by Gary Hallock.

After a long and productive lifetime of hunching over her bubbling cauldron muttering incantations and concocting various enchanted brews, the wretched crone finally came to the realization that she was no longer in her prime. In addition to the pronounced dowager’s hump she’d developed, her arthritic feet were an almost constant source of pain and torment for her. She could barely stuff her wrinkled toes into those pointed boots any longer.

One … Read the rest...

West Point

This is a pun cascade from many of the folks at P.U.N.Y.

From our vantage overlooking the Hudson at West Point, we could see, near the top of a hill on the other side, a castle [purportedly] used in the filming of The Wizard of Oz, complete with a moat. Apparently it won’t be used in future productions. It’s been demoated.

Bob Dvorak

If the castle is not being used, we should consider the ditch around it to be moot.… Read the rest...

Puns On The Animal Kingdom

This is a recent series of puns on the PUNY listserv.

What’s a large animal that, when it walks back and forth, back and forth, and makes you very sleepy to look at it?
A hypnopotamus!

Cyn (MacGregor)
= = = = =

What greeting in a nudest camp makes you think of an animal?
A Buff Hello

Stan (Kegel)
= = = = =

Q: What does the father Buff Hello say when he drops his kid off at … Read the rest...

O. Henry Pun-Off 2010: mmMVP Award

The McClughan Memorial Most Viable Punster Award (mmMVP) is given by contestants in each year’s O. Henry Pun-Off to the “most viable punster” in the contest.

For the 2010 Pun-Off, Gary Hallock said:

By a vote of his peers, P.O.S. silver medalist, Jacob Dodson also won the coveted mmMVP trophy. We can’t say he walked away with it because he laughed early due to a case of premature jocularity. The award was accepted in his stayed by event producer, Gary

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O. Henry Pun-Off 2010: Punslingers Results

The Punslingers portion of the 2010 O. Henry Pun-Off consisted of 32 contestants competing head-to-head. Contestants take the stage in pairs, and are given a topic selected randomly from a list of traditional topics. In turn, each player has five seconds to deliver, or begin delivering solid puns. This goes back and forth until one of the two either exceeds the given five seconds or accumulates three non-qualifying attempts.

The loser is eliminated, and the winner proceeds to the next … Read the rest...

Pun-Off Registration: Cold feet, anyone?

Gary Hallock, producer and emcee of the O.Henry Pun-Off, has an update for participants in the Pun-Off competition.

Hello again Pun-Off contestants, (and innocent bystanders too)

I certainly don’t want to discourage anyone from participating to the fool list in this year’s O.Henry Pun-Off World Championships, but I am compelled to remind everyone that we have a very fool slate of contestants this year. If there’s some chance that you’ve only entered the contest on a whim and are starting

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This Week’s Pun-Off Warm Up

Gary Hallock chimes in with info on this week’s O.Henry Pun-Off pre-event.

Hello again Punsters,

Pictures from last Friday

Last week’s warm-up at Opal’s was simply divine! This was just the sort of gathering I’d been lounging for all along. Over the coarse of 4 hours we collected a total of 17 people who came just to agitate and entertain me. (Isn’t that what it’s all about?) We made many new friends and passed around quite a few PunSlingers trial topics. Several of our

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Pun-Off Warm-Up Event This Friday

Gary Hallock, organizer of the O.Henry Pun-Off, just sent out the following announcement:

Hello again my punny paramours,

This Friday, May 7, I will host a third informal gathering of Pun-Off contestants & fans. This time we will be gathering downtown at one of our favorite places, Opal Divine’s Freehouse at 700 W. 6th. This is in Downtown Austin right next door to Katz’s Deli. We’ll be congregating upstairs around 6:30 and holding forth until around 10pm. Watch again for

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Limerick Challenge No. 27

Cynthia MacGregor is the moderator for a punsters weekly limerick challenge. She says, “Your challenge for Lim-ber Your Mind #27 was: Write a limerick whose first line is:

“If happiness you are pursuing”

The entries:

If happiness you are pursuing,
Try to willing maid be a-wooing,
But hedge wedding bet,
A prenuptial get,
To help when ex-wife comes a-suing.

—-Chris Papa

If happiness you are pursuing
But your spouse has threatened her suing
Don’t run and hide
To choose a … Read the rest...

The Aardvark

A cascade from the limericks_n_haiku listserv with certain of the usual
suspects participating.

The Aardvark eats no leafy plants
No mushrooms and no succulents
Under bark his tongue
Gets vitamins among
A diet full of new tree ants

Guy Ben-Moshe


That’s aardvark but maybe you knew it
Eating ants, Oh dear me! I’d eschew it
I’d taste other critters
Who scampers and skitters
Termite be some reason to do it


The Aardvark loves his insect snack… Read the rest...

Volleyball on the Sands

Herein we report a recent pun cascade on P.U.N.Y.

Right now the U.S. Volleyball team is playing on TV. It is a pleasure to watch these daughters and sons of the beach.

Alan C

Opening this note was a net loss to me; a real dis-service.

Lowrie Beacham

Son of a beech…is that something like an acorn?

Cyn Mac

Watching women’s beach volleyball is a real thrill. No if’s sands or butts!

Gary Hallock

Rumor has it that next year, … Read the rest...