Writer, editor and speaker, Cynthia MacGrego was 2005 Punster of the Year. Her website is at www.cynthiamacgregor.com.
The Witching Time of Fright” by Cynthia MacGregor from “The Ants Are My Friends” by Richard Lederer & Stan Kegel (©2007)
There was a woman “of a certain age,” and age had not been kind to her. In fact, her appearance caused some to call her a witch, a fact she eventually turned to her advantage.
You see, the woman had seen both Hannibal Lecter movies and decided she would emulate his example. But unlike cannibal Hannibal, the woman ate … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-witching-time-of-fright/
A pun-cascade from several of the usual suspects at P.U.N.Y.
Amazon.com currently is advertising their new students’ dictionary
full of erroneous information: Flunk and Wagnalls.
Alan
There’s a new word compendium aimed directly at the homeless
community. It’s called the “Under-a-bridge Dictionary.”
Gary
I’ve always enjoyed thumbing through specialized dictionaries, but it bugs
me that I can’t find one on entomology.
What famous dictionary publishing house is patronized by NBA players?
Longman
Charles
A woman who wants to avoid a … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/new-dictionary/
A seasonal offering from the PUNY listserv.
A yam: First person singular present of “to be” as in, “A yam very happy that everyone was able to be here tonight” (Cynthia MacGregor)
Breast: The part of the bird little kids love to ask for because they’re getting away with saying one of “those” words without getting punished for it (Cynthia MacGregor)
Brussels Sprouts: Das Kindergartners (in my best fractured pseudoFlemish) (Bob Dvorak)
Candied Yams: Descartes telling it like it is… … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-puny-thanksgiving-dictionary/
This is a series of car puns from P.U.N.Y. The usual suspects are identified.
What did the demolition driver do to cars?
He rectum (Doug Specter)
What did the Indian wrecker truck driver do with cars?
He totem (Doug Specter)
What did the CPA do to his car?
He totaled it (Doug Specter)
What did the mink coat salesman do with cars?
He stole them (Doug Specter)
What do Polish people do with their cars?
… Read the rest...They polish them (Doug Specter)
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/car-quiz/
From the P.U.N.Y. listserve, a serving of witchcraft by Cynthia MacGregor.
Nothin’ says lovin’ like something from the coven, so Hazel (which Hazel? You know which Hazel!) decided to cast a spell. She went down to the river and lazily threw the fishhook into the water for half an hour or so.
“What are you doing?” a passerby asked.
“Just casting, a spell,” she replied, annoyed that it wasn’t obvious. Who was this ignorant fellow anyhow? Irked, Hazel decided to … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/halloween-groaner-i/
This is a pun cascade from many of the folks at P.U.N.Y.
From our vantage overlooking the Hudson at West Point, we could see, near the top of a hill on the other side, a castle [purportedly] used in the filming of The Wizard of Oz, complete with a moat. Apparently it won’t be used in future productions. It’s been demoated.
Bob Dvorak
If the castle is not being used, we should consider the ditch around it to be moot.… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/west-point/
The Little Red Riding Hood premise can lead to several different stories. This one is by Cynthia MacGregor.
Little Red Riding Hood got to her grandmother’s house and didn’t recognize the wolf in Grandma’s clothing, but she knew something was different.
“Why, Grandmother, what big eyes you have,” said Little Red.
“They appear larger because I had an eyelid tuck at a marvelous plastic surgeon on Rodeo Drive,” said the wolf in Grandma’s clothing.
And Little Red believed him because … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/little-red-riding-hood/
This is a recent series of puns on the PUNY listserv.
What’s a large animal that, when it walks back and forth, back and forth, and makes you very sleepy to look at it?
A hypnopotamus!
Cyn (MacGregor)
= = = = =
What greeting in a nudest camp makes you think of an animal?
A Buff Hello
Stan (Kegel)
= = = = =
Q: What does the father Buff Hello say when he drops his kid off at … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/puns-on-the-animal-kingdom/
Cynthia MacGregor is the moderator for a punsters weekly limerick challenge. She says, “Your challenge for Lim-ber Your Mind #27 was: Write a limerick whose first line is:
“If happiness you are pursuing”
The entries:
If happiness you are pursuing,
Try to willing maid be a-wooing,
But hedge wedding bet,
A prenuptial get,
To help when ex-wife comes a-suing.
—-Chris Papa
If happiness you are pursuing
But your spouse has threatened her suing
Don’t run and hide
To choose a … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/limerick-challenge-no-27/
Herein we report a recent pun cascade on P.U.N.Y.
Right now the U.S. Volleyball team is playing on TV. It is a pleasure to watch these daughters and sons of the beach.
Alan C
Opening this note was a net loss to me; a real dis-service.
Lowrie Beacham
Son of a beech…is that something like an acorn?
Cyn Mac
Watching women’s beach volleyball is a real thrill. No if’s sands or butts!
Gary Hallock
Rumor has it that next year, … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/volleyball-on-the-sands/
By Alan B. Combs. A nice, gentle offering went south as a PUNY cascade.
An unpopular, overly-studious, socially inept young fellow nevertheless did have one thing going for him. He never seemed to get colds or infections no matter what infectious microorganism was going around. He became the subject of several medical studies, therefore.
After much investigation, it was concluded that most pathogens had a very hard time finding their way around in the dork.
If some of those pathogens … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/disease-resistant/
By Alan B. Combs.
Cynthia MacGregor is the Punster of the Year (P.O.T.Y.) for 2005- 2006. It is traditional for previous winners to roast the new awardee the night before the O. Henry PunOff.
My part is much more a fan letter than a roast. Clearly, Cynthia MacGregor is not a turkey to be roasted — but, what is she, exactly? That’s what I’ve been thinking about.
I know she is a Miami Dolphin fan, but I would bet she … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/cynthia-macgregors-roast-may-2006/
By Cynthia MacGregor who wrote it for Stan Kegel and Rich Lederer — who requested puns based on ad jingles.
Two Arab friends were so poor they shared a single set of dentures between them. And one Arab, Abreuk by name, was so generous that often, even when it was his turn to possess the dentures, he would let his friend Ahmed keep the false teeth in his mouth. “For what matters it,” ruminated Abreuk, “when there is so little … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/in-dentured/
By Alan B. Combs. This was my entry in a morning P.U.N.Y. riddle contest. It took about ten minutes for Cynthia MacGregor to answer the riddle.
We all remember the Iliad and the tale of the Face that Launched a Thousand Ships. I am sorry to report, however, that the version history tells us just does not describe the reality. In fact, the lady in question was extraordinarily ugly. She could more truly be characterized as having the Face that … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/another-homer-run/
This pun cascade appeared on PUNY a couple of yeas ago.
A guy bought a pair of parrots and decided to go into the parrot breeding business. He didn’t think much of the fact that both birds were named Polly, but unfortunately both birds were actually female. Thus his plans for parrot breeding hit a snag until he got the idea of cloning them. After many months of work he was eventually able to produce a half dozen fertilized eggs. … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/groaners-featuring-birds/
This variant on an old story is by Cynthia MacGregor.
A woman, who was on a perennial diet, starved her husband right along with herself, till he complained to his pastor that he couldn’t get his wife to serve him a decent meal and he was growing positively malnourished.
“I can’t get her to listen to reason. Maybe you can get somewhere with her,” the hubby complained.
So the pastor counselled the ever-dieting woman, who at last saw the error … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-starving-husband/
The following is a limerick cascade from the limericks and haiku listserv.
A problem seems always to hound us.
In the elevator, there to confound us.
So, how can this be?
It’s not me, you see!
Just why does that flatus surround us?
Alan B. Combs
You’ve clearly not run out of gas.
My nose knows the difference, alas.
I won’t make a comment.
I’ll try not to vomit.
I guess that I’ll just let it pass.
Cyn MacGregor
Young … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/elevator-problem/
This was a recent cascade on PUNY.
My former graduate student says that each time she visits Beijing or Shanghai, it always seems that she’s been there before. I think it’s a clear case of Asia vu.
Alan B. Combs
In his declining years our recently deceased Republican president daily attempted to regain bits of his memory by watching videotapes of his trip to China. Yogi Berra noted that it seemed like Asia vu all over Reagan.
GARY HALLOCK
I’ve … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/china-redux/
By Cynthia MacGregor
Mickey Mouse took his sweetheart out to dinner for Valentine’s Day. A light dinner by candlelight was what he had in mind. Some Caesar salad for two. As they sat down at the table, she turned to him and asked, “What are we eating for dinner?”
And he replied, “Romaine in the glow, Min.”… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-shaggy-puppy-for-valentines-day/
While not a winning routine, Cynthia MacGregor and her hand puppet SOCKrates were among the favorites of the crowd in 1999 at the 21st Annual O. Henry Pun-Off World Championships. This was Cynthia’s first competition. Cynthia says, “I was working with a sock puppet. (And, as one of the judges wrote on a sheet she held up for the crowd to read afterward, SHE NEVER MOVED HER LIPS). The routine was a dialogue between me and the sock puppet.”
I’m … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/sockrates-cynthia-macgregors-1999-punoff-entry/
Another by Cynthia MacGregor
In Ted’s previous incarnation he had been too meek, and this time around, his spirit was making up for it by turning him into a wild man.
As a boy he got into all sorts of scrapes, and as an adult, this wild streak found expression in his sex life. If he didn’t literally swing from the chandeliers, he certainly did try a variety of unorthodox positions…occasionally with disastrous results.
One such occasion resulted in a … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-wild-spirit-2/
This is Cynthia MacGregor’s contibution for the new year.
A man started a tradition of taking his young son camping every New Year’s Eve. Since they lived in the South, though it still got cold on New Year’s Eve, it was not the biting cold of the North and, with the older man and the young fellow bundled up warmly, the temperatures were not unbearable. But the son didn’t have the taste for camping and for nature that his dad … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/one-for-the-new-year/
Wherein begins a pun cascade started by Bob Dvorak and other participants on the PUNY listserv.
Kathleen was a wreck. She’d just caught Jim fooling around (again) with another girl. What to do? What to do?
Making up her mind, she looked up “Witches” in the Yellow Pages and made an appointment to see Ms. Serry.
When she arrived she was even more agitated than before. Although the receptionist offered her a seat, some tea, and something to read, Kathleen … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/which-story/
This is by Cynthia MacGregor.
A pastor whose hobby was carpentry had a plan for a beautiful wooden cross that would seem to float suspended in the air. He would build it in time for the Easter service, he decided. He worked out all the details, but he had no wood with which to build it, and Easter was tomorrow.
Now, he was naturally short of funds as most pastors are, and besides, he lived in a small town, and … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-floating-cross/
This is by Cynthia MacGregor who posted it to the PUNY listserv.
Barney drove round to the back of the bank, intending to use the drive-in, only to discover that the bank was having the area resurfaced and sawhorses were blocking his access. He got out of his vehicle and walked to the drive-up window, stepping in the sticky black stuff as he went.
As he left the window, his transaction completed, his shoes kept sticking to the newly repaved … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/may-i-have-this-dance/