All posts tagged Chris Caillouet

Maintenance Robot

From the groaners listserv.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard is sitting in his quarters, reading, when
he hears a knock. Upon opening the door, he sees Geordi LaForge,
who is carrying a small robotic device.

“This is your new maintenance robot, Captain.” says Geordi. “It’s
programmed to execute a variety of everyday chores.”

“Why! That sounds exceedingly useful!” exclaimed Picard. “Why,
only yesterday I was careless enough to rip the seam of my uniform
when I bent over to retrieve my phaser. … Read the rest...

Variations on “The Eyes of Texas”

This was my presentation for the 2008 O. Henry Punoff. It has been evolving over several years. I liked it. The judges didn’t, not at all.

Here at The University, the school song is “The Eyes of Texas.” It is vaguely reminiscent of “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad”, but with much deeper meaning and sincerity, of course.

My schtick works pretty well as an audience participation Call-and-Answer. I suggest the premise for the variant, and the audience comes back … Read the rest...

Disease Resistant

By Alan B. Combs. A nice, gentle offering went south as a PUNY cascade.

An unpopular, overly-studious, socially inept young fellow nevertheless did have one thing going for him. He never seemed to get colds or infections no matter what infectious microorganism was going around. He became the subject of several medical studies, therefore.

After much investigation, it was concluded that most pathogens had a very hard time finding their way around in the dork.

If some of those pathogens … Read the rest...


This is by pun-award winning Chris Caillouet of our Pharmacy Dean’s Office.

If you have ever been annoyed as I have by the big, obnoxious, civilian version of the U.S. Army’s High-Mobility Multi-Purpose Wheeled Vehicle (HMMPWV, or “Hum- Vee”), the following information should fill you with glee: Specialists in the field of proctology have recently noticed an increase in the incidence of patients who are Hum-Vee owners, due to the vehicle’s very tight suspension system and rock-hard seat cushions. These … Read the rest...

Another one for the Liszt

By PunOff award winner Chris Caillouet. Let’s encourage the lad.

Not many people are aware of it, but Franz Liszt actually had a younger brother named Gary. He was quite the rebel and, unlike his older brother, who was an undisputed virtuoso of the piano, Gary Liszt chose to express himself in a style of music that approximates today’s hip-hop. Unfortunately, the mainstream culture of the day had no appreciation for the genre, so while still a teenager, Gary moved … Read the rest...


By Alan B. Combs, accompaied by Chris Caillouet and Bob Dvorak.

It’s true. I have strange friends. Some time ago I told you about a friend that collected statues of various people named William — the Bill-collector. I have another friend, one that instead of statues, collects marble busts of famous people. He keeps them on the shelves in his office.

The actor Richard Boone, of “Have Gun, Will Travel” fame is one of them. Another is of President Nixon. … Read the rest...

The Very Thought Of It Makes Me Cheddar

This little gem is by Harold Halpern who sent it to Brian.

All the cheeses in Cheese Town are very careful about time because if they stay out of refrigeration too long they get rotten (they’re not very nice to begin with) and have to be discarded. Accordingly, clocks and watches are de rigueur. One hot day a cheese walked out without his watch, stayed too long, became spoiled, and had to be discarded.

To this day cheese town … Read the rest...