The Annual Bulwer-Lytton writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a dreadful story.
Jim Macauley sent in his rejected Bulwer-Lytton entry. I think we have better taste here than the Bulwer-Lytton judges do.
In the food preparation area of the Topkapi Palace in 15th century Istanbul, Mehmet, the master chef and author of the renowned “Dissertation on Desert Desserts,” was busy demonstrating that he could improve the flavor of most dishes with just a sheik of sultan pepper.… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/jim-macauleys-bulwer-lytton-entry/
Once again, through what can only be gross discrimination or uncommon good taste (pun intended), this wonderful entry fell flat. Well, there’s always next year.
The thought that the world contains so many transgressors and so few reformers trying to put an end to their evil haunted the preacher as he tried to save those wretched cunnilinguists from their preferred depravity by alluding to their theological doom in his sermon, “Insinuate.”
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/bulwer-lytton-combs-losing-entry-2012/
This entry by Cory Gano earned a Dishonorable Mention in the Children’s Literature section of the Bulwer-Lytton terrible writing contest for 2004. I am so jealous.
As he entered the room within which so many a wild night of their sweltering love affair had been spent, the White Rabbit regarded her with benevolent eyes, her posture such that he suspected something was wrong, but before he could speak Alice unburied her face from her trembling hands and between her intense … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/from-the-bulwer-lytton-archives/
The Annual Bulwer-Lytton writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a dreadful story. This, by Becky Mushko, is the Winner for the Vile Puns category for 2008.
Vowing revenge on his English teacher for making him memorize Wordsworth’s “Intimations of Immortality,” Warren decided … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/to-memorize-wordsworth/
The Annual Bulwer-Lytton writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a dreadful story. This, by Amy Torchinsky, is the winner in the Vile Pun category for 2010.
It was a risky production unlike any mounted prior on the Met stage, the orchestra first … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/deadly-potion/
The Annual Bulwer-Lytton writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a dreadful story. This, by Greg Homer, is the Winner for the Vile Puns category for 2009. I really like this one.
Using her flint knife to gut the two amphibians, Kreega the … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/neanderthal-in-style/
The Annual Bulwer-Lytton writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a dreadful story. This, by Brad Taylor, is the Runner-Up for the Vile Puns category for 2010. (Warning: others may follow.)
As Jeffrey Hicks, the event safety coordinator for the Renaissance Festival finished … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/made-famous-by-sinatra/
By Alan B. Combs
The Annual Bulwer-Lytton (http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/) writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a dreadful story. This was my entry sometime before the turn of the century. I cannot find it in the collection (not that that is necessarily a bad … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/clintons-rejected-intern/
By Alan B. Combs. The Annual Bulwer-Lytton writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. Once again my submission has “received the treatment it deserves” and won nothing this year. Shucks.
This was just the latest in a series of horrible murders by the Jack The Ripper hack-alike whose victims were chopped into … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/my-bulwer-lytton-submission-2005/
The Annual Bulwer-Lytton writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. This sample entry from 2005 is by Jim Dehn, Clovis, CA.
Max thought the night-time burglary of the California surfing museum would be a safe caper–maybe not lucrative but certainly safe–but that was before he spotted the security cop riding a bull … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/bulwer-lytton-contest-sample-entry-2005/
By Alan B. Combs
This was one of two submissions to the Bulwer-Lytton Contest for 2004.
He knew it was going to be a wonderful day because the storm had passed, blue birds were singing rhapsodies, and a passing airplane wrote “3.1416” in the sky.… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/second-submission-bulwer-lytton-bad-writing-contest-2004/
By Alan B. Combs. This was my second submission to the Bulwer-Lytton bad writing contest. Perhaps, it was too blatant a pun. I did use it as a throwaway gag at the PunOff this year.
He knew it was going to be a wonderful day because the storm had passed, blue birds were singing rhapsodies, and a passing airplane wrote “3.1416” in the sky.… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/omens-for-a-good-day/
The Annual Bulwer-Lytton (http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/) writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a dreadful story. This is David M. Knipe’s entry.
Ram was what his buddies always called him, since he had an eye for the ladies far and wide, always finding the grass … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/ram/
The Annual Bulwer-Lytton (http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/) writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a dreadful story. This is by Kevin P. Craver who received one of the Year 2000 Dishonorable Mentions.
Lance Corporal Murphy stood in mute shock at his court martial for stealing a … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/court-martial/
By Charlotte Herzele and Alan B. Combs. This evil little tale was our submission to this year’s (2002) Bulwer-Lytton bad writing contest. It did not win anything, so it was either too-badly good, or too-goodly bad — or something like that. We liked it a lot.
Perhaps the attendees would have had an inkling of their impending doom if they had only listened carefully to themselves as they cheered for Dominique and Maura Harris, their favorite participants in the Team-Stitchery … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/as-ye-sew-so-shall-ye-reap/
The Annual Bulwer-Lytton (http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/) writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a dreadful story.
This story is by Richard Raymond III. It was one of the Runner Ups in the 2000 contest.
Sighing, the professor rapidly scanned the English 101 term paper on … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/stolen-from-samuel-clemens/
The Annual Bulwer-Lytton (http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/) writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a dreadful story. Glenn Wasson earned a Dishonorable Mention for 2001 with this tale.
Dr Doolittle’s visage darkened as he dissected the diseased duodenum of the deceased male sheep, declaring that the … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/partly-patriotic/
The Annual Bulwer-Lytton (http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/) writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a dreadful story. This offering is by John L. Ashman — it was a Co-Winner in the 2000 Vile Puns category.
We have created a monster, Doktor Frankenstein!” screeched Igor, the doktor’s … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/frankensteins-monster/
This story by Bill Crowley is found in the Dishonorable Mentions Category of the Y2K Bulwer-Lytton contest. The Annual Bulwer-Lytton writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a dreadful story.
After twenty years, twenty years as head avian keeper at Fleishacker Zoo (Combs’ … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/at-the-fleishacker-zoo/
The Annual Bulwer-Lytton writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a wretched story. This tale is by Brian Holmes.
“There is no free will,” said the old sage, “for you may not choose your parents, nor the hour of your birth, neither may … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/no-free-will/
This seasonal, but modern tale is John L. Ashman’s entry in the 2000 Bulwer-Lytton contest. The Annual Bulwer-Lytton writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a wretched story.
It was the night before Christmas when Santa Claus’s sleigh team became one member short … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/why-regicide-is-obligatory/
This is a Bulwer-Lytton writing contest entry by Richard W. O’Bryan. The competition is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University, and the award is given to the worst lead-in to a wretched story. This is one of Stan Kegel’s favorite Bulwer-Lytton stories.
Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store.… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/at-the-pet-store/
The Annual Bulwer-Lytton writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a wretched story. Here is a recent entry by David C. Mortensen.
As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/resounding/
The Annual Bulwer-Lytton writing contest is based upon the much maligned beginning line as stolen by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. Awards are given to the most wretched beginning sentences to stories. This entry is by Mary Anthony, Grand Rapids, Michigan.
After ravaging the pansies, the gastropod turned his attention to the roses: “So many beauties,” he sighed, “so little slime.”… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/snail-space/
This is attributed to Jennifer R. Sanders by Stan Kegel who published it on the groaners listserv. It has the flavor of a Bulwer-Lytton entry.
“Undulate!” he commanded, and began to play, as the cobra in the wicker basket cunningly unwound herself and spread her hood in preparation for the finale to a career she had never sought, reflecting venomously that in only moments . . . she would be leaving this charmed life behind to strike out on her … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-snake/