Needed to post this one while I still could!
People are making jokes about the apocalypse like there’s no tomorrow.… Read the rest...
All posts tagged Brian P. Combs
Brian is the administrator of this site, and a very occasional pun creator. His wife is happy he has this site, as it means he inflicts fewer of these puns on her.
Shaggy Apocalypse
Posted by Brian P. Combs on December 20, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/shaggy-apocalypse/
Once, Twice, Three Times a Shaggy Lady
This meme has been floating around the nets. I took it and expanded it to a third level.
… Posted by Brian P. Combs on April 14, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/once-twice-three-times-a-shaggy-lady/
Sub-Atomic Puns
These puns are stolen from various spots all over the internet. Most of them are older than the internet itself.
The compilation is mine…
They say all are welcome to worship, but even the Catholic Church has to have some standards. One Sunday morning, Father Bohr was having a hard time keeping undesirables out.
First was Dr. Schrodinger and his cat. The priest said, “You can’t bring that cat in here. It looks half dead!”
An electron, a proton and … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on December 21, 2011
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/sub-atomic-puns/
Zombieland Rules
As we approach Halloween, I’m reminded of last year’s Zombieland, a brilliant horror-comedy staring Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, and Abigail Breslin. In the movie, Columbus (Eisenberg) refers to thirty-three rules for surviving the zombie apocalypse.
While not all of the rules have been revealed, here’s what we know:
1. Cardio
2. Double tap
2. Ziploc bags (alternate #2 from a deleted scene)
3. Beware of bathrooms
4. Wear seatbelts
5. Shoot first (from the cell phone game)
6. … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on October 21, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/zombieland-rules/
Albert the Moth
This very shaggy story was sent to the shaggydog listserv by Stan Kegel. He also sent a different tale with a similar punchline (see below).
Back in P.E.I. [a small Canadian province], where I was raised, there are few sporting heroes; Rick Vaive used to be one, but then he joined the Leafs [a hockey team]. In any event, whatever happens to the rest of her heroes, the tale of Albert the Moth, from Alberton P. E.I., will long live … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 26, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/albert-the-moth/
Shaggy Beatles
By Brian P. Combs
I think the odds are good that something similar to this is already in the system, but I couldn’t find it.
It’s funny how fate works. Were it not for a minor mistake, the greatest rock band of all time, The Beatles, might never have formed.
You see, even in grammar school, Paul McCartney showed impressive abilities in organization and scheduling. In the late 1950’s, as a minor, he was employed as the shipping manager for … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on May 13, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/shaggy-beatles/
Feathered Shaggy Dog Redux
A timely little tale I thought of for the British general election. It contains a commonly (re)used punch line.
British prime minister Gordon Brown recently had what many of us would consider a bad week. He had just finished a tense conversation with a Labour Party support who had railed about the economy and immigration to him.
Walking away, he made a common, but unforgivable mistake for a politician; he forgot his mic was on. “That was a disaster … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on May 6, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/feathered-shaggy-dog-redux/
An Astronomical Point of Reference
By Brian. P. Combs, although I’m sure I’m not the first to come up with this.
Many don’t realize it, but I’m a skywatcher. I love to look up in the sky to find a planet or a constellation, and when there’s something particularly interesting going on, I’ll take the SLR out to get a picture.
In early December 2008, there was a wonderful convergence between the moon, the second planet and the fifth planet, with the planets right next … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on April 25, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/an-astronomical-point-of-reference/
Shaggy Longhorn
My own humble effort at a shaggy dog.
A year ago, Darrell K Royal – Texas Memorial Stadium (DKR-TMS), the football stadium for the Texas Longhorns, switched from Bermuda grass to FieldTurf, the latest version of artificial grass. FieldTurf is an interesting combination of silica sand and rubber. It provides durability while having the “give” of normal grass, improving safety for the players, and is being put into stadiums around the country.
This is just the latest turf change at … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on April 11, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/shaggy-longhorn/
The Talking Parrot
I was watching the Blue Collar Comedy Tour this morning, and Ron White told a version of this joke. His version was shaggier and better.
There are really only three places a magician can find work: children’s parties, Vegas and cruise ships. Merlon the Magician couldn’t stand dry air because of his eczema and was allergic to cup cakes, so giving his show on the high seas was his only option.
His show was quite popular, but like such workers, … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on April 4, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-talking-parrot/
The Five Fundamental Forces
My son Brian sent me this short treatise on the Five Fundamental Forces in the Universe. Hmmm. OK, Einsteins, I wonder who’s playing this week.
1. Strong Force:
description: the force that holds the nucleus of atoms together
relative strength: 1
range: 10^-15 meters
2. Electromagnetic Force:
description: attraction/repulsion of charges
relative strength: 1/137
range: infinite
3. Weak Force:
description: neutrino interaction… induces beta decay in atoms
relative strength: 10^-5
range: 10^-17 meters
4. Gravity:
description: the attraction between two … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 23, 2009
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-five-fundamental-forces/
A Samuel L. Jackson Movie
By Brian Combs. He is coming up with more of these things. I guess the chip doesn’t fall far from the longhorn (or some such appropriately perverted cliche).
You’ve probably heard about the new Samuel L. Jackson scary airplane movie. You know, the one that’s been getting all the hype on the internet and on TV.
Well, it really is a low budget feature. In fact, the vast majority of the actors were working for scale.… Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 5, 2007
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-samuel-l-jackson-movie/
Epitaphs
Mel Lett sent this punish collection.
In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.
In a London, England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767
A lawyer’s epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.
In a cemetery in England:
… Read the rest...Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was
Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 16, 2006
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/epitaphs/
A Certain Steppenwolf Song
By Alan B. Combs
I’m aging, but not all that gracefully, it seems. My wife plays a Jammin’ Oldies station on her car radio. You should know that my type of music is nearly 100% Folk and Country, so that stuff is really foreign to my nature.
However, I may have missed out on some good, inspirational material. The other day on her station, for example, I heard an old song that somehow I had missed before. I regret missing … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on June 23, 2003
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-certain-steppenwolf-song/
Crying Through the Makeup
By Brian Combs (yes, that Brian). The twig doesn’t fall far from the tree.
A professional circus clown woke up one morning with a terrible crick in his neck. He could hardly move, much less work, so he went to the doctor to see what was wrong.
After a complete physical, the doctor asked, “Did you go to bed in your clown makeup and costume last night?”
“Yes, I did,” the clown answered.
“Well, I wouldn’t worry about it. You … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on September 23, 2001
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/crying-through-the-makeup/
The Thoroughbred
Bennett Cerf was one of the patron saints of shaggy dog stories and this story is attributed to him. A version also can be found in Himie Koshevoy’s “Treasure Jest of Best Puns”.
In the world of racehorses the thoroughbred, even though he is king, does not have much of a chance to enjoy his coltishness. Not long after he is born his training for the track begins.
After his owner has watched him gambolling about the pasture beside his … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on November 12, 2000
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-thoroughbred/
Catching Polar Bears
There is an art to capturing polar bears. Each Inuit village has a differnt technique and there is considerable competition between villages in how effective their techniques really are. The most famous village of all had a technique that worked nearly all of the time. The technique stayed a secret until one old gentleman finally told the leaders of the other villages.
“The technique,” he said, “is to make a large hole in the ice. Then, you must surround the … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on July 19, 1996
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/catching-polar-bears/
Feathered Shaggy Dog
Generally, I find that people do not have a great deal of respect for the beneficial effects of poultry in our society. This is a shame, because we could go on and on about our feathered friends and what they have done for us. For example, during the American revolution, the colonists used hens to sniff out red-coat sympathizers. Thus, was born chicken cacciatore.
PaTRICK HeSTER replied to this story with the following source information.
… Read the rest...OK, OK.
This was ripped
Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 12, 1996
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/feathered-shaggy-dog/