All posts tagged Bob Levi

The Shabbat Goy

By Bob Levi, followed by explanatory and helpful conversation.

In a large Florida City, the rabbi developed quite a reputation for his sermons, so much so that everyone in the community came every Shabbat.

Unfortunately, one weekend a member had to visit Long Island for his nephew’s bar mitzvah. But he didn’t want to miss the rabbi’s sermon. So he decided to hire a Shabbat goy to sit in the congregation and tape the sermon so he could listen to … Read the rest...

Go Bears

Timely tale from Bob Levi.

I’ve heard of Chicago Bears fans amusing themselves by scaring Green Bay fans they would see strutting down the street with that obnoxious green & gold “G” on their coat. They’d swerve their cars as if to hit them, and then swerve back just missing them. With Super Bowl XLI ahead, I heard a similar story about two Bears fans and a Colts supporter.

One day, while driving along, a Bears fan spotted a friend, … Read the rest...

The Aliens

A new offering from Bob Levi. Yea.

Parenthetically, our family just returned from Roswell, NM. Even after some probing studies, I cannot say that we saw any aliens or saucers.

Over the years, sightings of unidentified flying objects and alien spaceships have captured the imagination of many people. One such person was a young feller by the name of Hiram Jones who lived in a rural area of Tennessee. The following story may have been a dream or perhaps it … Read the rest...

The Talented Puppy

From the groaners listserv

A man takes his puppy to a bar and is told in no uncertain terms to leave immediately.

“But this isn’t just any dog,” the man says. “This dog can play the piano.”

“Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay, and I’ll give you a drink on the house.”

The man sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing — ragtime, Mozart, Gershwin — and the bartender and … Read the rest...

Volleyball on the Sands

Herein we report a recent pun cascade on P.U.N.Y.

Right now the U.S. Volleyball team is playing on TV. It is a pleasure to watch these daughters and sons of the beach.

Alan C

Opening this note was a net loss to me; a real dis-service.

Lowrie Beacham

Son of a beech…is that something like an acorn?

Cyn Mac

Watching women’s beach volleyball is a real thrill. No if’s sands or butts!

Gary Hallock

Rumor has it that next year, … Read the rest...

Albert Einstein

This bit of history is from Bob Levi. Howell Gwin and Bob produce additional material below.

Few remember that the brilliant mathematician and Nobel Prize winner, Albert Einstein, married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919. Einstein stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed. He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is stronger if there is a DNA connection.

This postulation became known as … Read the rest...

Hanna Bull

This is by Sean Broderick, worthy son of a dear friend.

Alan: I just returned from a quick trip to Naples, Italy. Joined some friends to visit the town of Cusano Mutri to attend their annual Porcini Mushroom festival, and on the way we stopped to view a bridge allegedly built by Hannibal while transporting his elephants through the region. Now there are issues with the story, not least being that the river can be crossed on foot, and it’s … Read the rest...

Kissing Disease Variant

This variant of an old classic is by Bob Levi. Somehow, I didn’t have it in the collection.

Charlie goes to an infectious disease specialist, who his internist has recommended. The specialist starts taking Charlie’s history. His symptoms include swollen neck glands, difficulty swallowing, a sore throat, a low grade fever and fatigue. The doctor tells him that he could have mononucleosis, but he needs to draw some blood to make sure. A nurse takes a sample and the doctor … Read the rest...

The Dachshund in the Jungle

Totally silly, totally delightful. This was sent to us by Bob Levi.

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The dachshund thinks, “OK, I’m in deep trouble now!” Then he noticed … Read the rest...

A Baseball Tale

An Original by Bob Levi

I recall hearing about a baseball game where a superstar pitcher was on his way to a strikeout record. Strangely, he would disappear into the dugout whenever his team was at bat and return with a newly laundered uniform. One of his teammates following him into the dugout and found that he was washing and pressing his uniforms. When asked what that was all about, the pitcher replied, “Well, you have to iron when the … Read the rest...

Cardiovascular Toxicology

Bob Levi tells us, “Alan, In searching your Tarzan Tripes Forever database, I couldn’t locate the following old saw. So, here’s my version in all of its glory.”

The famous movie star, Henry Fonda, was making a film in New Orleans years ago and took a liking to the local spirit called absinthe. He drank quite a bit every evening upon completion of the film’s daily shooting.

After several weeks of film making (and drinking), Mr. Fonda started having pains … Read the rest...

Analogies & Metaphors in High School Essays

Bob Levi sent this collection to us.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole … Read the rest...

Alaskan Christmas Party

Another tale sent to us by Bob Levi.

Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it’s total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it, and there is a big, … Read the rest...


Bob Levi sent us this lovely old tale.

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?”

The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”

The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and … Read the rest...

The Reunion

An original by Bob Levi.

Two former classmates, Louise and Jennifer, had been good friends and renewed acquaintances while attending their 25th high school reunion. They hadn’t seen each other since high school and of course wanted to catch up on what had happened to each of them.

Louise told about getting a job at the local factory and marrying Harry who had been a few years older than she was. Louise mentioned that she had had four kids and … Read the rest...

Counting on Horses

By Bob Levi.

When I was a youngster, my grandfather used to love to tell of his experiences from the early days in the 20th Century. He sometimes would recall the vaudeville shows that he saw as a young man. One unique act that he found fascinating was an entertainer who had a horse that could count and do simple arithmetic.

In similar acts, the horse would respond by stomping its hoof with the solution to the trainer’s question. The … Read the rest...

There’s No Place Like Holmes

An original by Bob Levi. Thanks, as always.

As most folks know, Sherlock Holmes retired from London to keep bees in Sussex. However, what’s not well known is that someone told him about an extremely lucrative investment opportunity, a restaurant near his new home. He was intrigued. So Sherlock investigated and subsequently bought the business. The restaurant specialized in rotisserie chicken. The former owner from Germany had called the establishment, “Braun’s Chicken.”

Once Sherlock owned the enterprise, he decided to … Read the rest...

One for the Birds

This came to us from Bob Levi, who said, “The following was sent to me by Dennis Director, one of the founders of the amazing Internet portal groupings called”

On a major highway leading into the forest is one of the world’s largest German car dealerships, specializing in Mercedes Benz and Volkswagen. The already successful owner, Deital Schtickler, has been thinking “way outside of the box”.

He has combined his love of birding with his love of cars and … Read the rest...

Caribbean Cruise

An original by Bob Levi with comment by Howell Gwinn.

Several years ago, my wife and I sailed on a Windjammer Barefoot Cruise ship, the Polynesia. Based out of St. Martin, the Poly visits several Caribbean islands. The ship has an interesting history.

Originally named the Argus, this four mast schooner was built in 1938. She was one of the great Portuguese Grand Banks Fleet that fished for cod near Greenland. Cod fishing was quite hazardous since the fishermen worked … Read the rest...

Etude Indigo

By Alan B. Combs with commentary by Bob Levi

Tiny amounts of cobalt added to glass during the manufacturing process produce a deep, rich azure color. This art of glass coloration has been known since antiquity. However, a new characteristic of cobalt glass was discovered by musicians living in the Appalachian hills of Kentucky. Cups made of cobalt glass would ring with beautifully sustained tones when stroked or tapped. Bigger cups would resonate with low tones and the smaller ones … Read the rest...

One of the classics

Bob Levi forwarded this tale with the comment that he hadn’t seen it on the internet.

A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune. So, she thought to herself, “I’ll give it a try just to see what it tells me.” She went over to the machine and put her nickel in, and … Read the rest...

No Bull

This is from Bob Levi.

Have you heard about the five young bulls, discussing what they wanted to be when they grew up?

The first wanted to go to Rome and become a papal bull.

The second wanted to go to New York and become a bull on Wall Street.

The third wanted to go to the Windy City to become a Chicago Bull.

The fourth said he wanted to go to Beijing and be a bull in a China … Read the rest...

Destitute Kings

Bob Levi sent this to us with the comment it needs to be shared. Indeed.

King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Crosus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.

Crosus said, “I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.”

“But I paid a million dinars for it,” the King … Read the rest...

A Beautiful Thing

Bob Levi sends us this true story.

Recently three of my granddaughters, ages 7, 10 and 14, had their beautiful tresses shorn and donated to wigmakers who manufacture hairpieces for cancer patients. My wife was so proud of the girls and I was too. I told my wife that due to the grandkids being so young, they wouldn’t be able to remember the mane.… Read the rest...


This tale is from Bob Levi.

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Tom and his wife Peg listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”

He addressed the men, “Can you describe your wife’s favorite flower ?”

Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn’t it?”

The rest of the story is not pleasant.… Read the rest...