Another visual pun making the rounds on the internet. The creator is unknown.
All posts tagged Blondes Poles Aggies
Whether about fair-haired women, immigrants from Poland, or those that spent several years at Texas A&M, these are all the same joke, just with different cultural points of reference.
Shaggy Lech
… Posted by Brian P. Combs on March 25, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/shaggy-lech/
Suicidal Blonde
Oh, golly! Bill Pardue sent me a potfull of jokes of this genus. Thanks, Bill.
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
‘How did this happen?’ the emergency room doctor asked her.
‘Well, I was trying to commit suicide,’ the blonde replied.
‘What?’ sputtered the doctor. ‘You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?’
‘No, silly’ the blonde said. ‘First I put the gun to my … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 20, 2012
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/suicidal-blonde/
Seven Degrees of Blonde
Many of these have been going around separately. Here there are several all together.
First Degree:
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at two in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment
and said, “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!” and hung up.
The husband said, “Who was that?” The wife said, “I don’t know, some
woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.”
Second Degree:
… Read the rest...Two
Posted by Alan B. Combs on July 7, 2011
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/seven-degrees-of-blonde/
Current TSA Statistics
From bwJokes.com.
The statistics for last year from the Travel Security Administration of the Department of Homeland Security:
… Read the rest...Terrorist Plots Discovered and Thwarted (0)
Transvestites (133)
Hernias (1,485)
Cases of Hemorrhoids (3,172)
Enlarged Prostates (8,249)
Breast Implants (59,350)
Natural Blondes (3)
Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 26, 2011
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/current-tsa-statistics/
Washing Instructions
This is from one of my students, Linda Therrio. In the deep and all-important world of college football, this IS the week for such stories.
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” I replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”
He yelled back, “Texas A & M.”
And they say blondes are dumb.… Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on November 20, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/washing-instructions/
A Fine Establishment
A Texas Tech graduate, a University of Texas grad and a Texas Aggie were sitting in a bar in San Antonio. The view of the river was fantastic, the beer was ice cold and the food exceptional. “But,” said the guy from Tech, “I still prefer the beer joints back in Lubbock. There’s one place where the owner goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy 4 beers, he will buy the 5th.”
The Longhorn said “Well, … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on October 8, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-fine-establishment/
The Aggie Hunters
This tale is from Gill Krebs. I think it may be an old one.
Three Aggie gentlemen, Walt, Elmer and Stan, went hunting in a remote forest. As one of them was crossing a fallen log, he tripped, dropped his rifle and shot himself. The other two ran quickly to their unconscious friend and saw that his chest was covered with blood. Walt turned to Stan and said, “We got to get Elmer to the hospital quick or he’s gonna … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on September 16, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-aggie-hunters/
Giving Up the Ghost
The author of this is unknown.
A visiting professor at Texas A&M University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: “How many people here believe in ghosts?” About 90 students raise their hands.
“Well that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve ever seen a ghost?” About 40 students raise their hands.
“That’s really good. I’m really glad you take … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on September 7, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/giving-up-the-ghost/
Just a Little Too Late
The author of this is unknown, but the timing is appropriate as we head back into football season.
“How did it happen?” the doctor asked the middle-aged Aggie as he set the man’s broken leg.
“Well, doc, 25 years ago …”
“Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.”
“Like I was saying…25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d gone to bed, the farmer’s beautiful daughter … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on August 15, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/just-a-little-too-late/
The Hunters (An Aggie Joke)
This is from Gil Krebs. It wasn’t initially an Aggie Joke, but the slight change seemed so apropos.
Three Aggie gentlemen, Walt, Elmer and Stan, went hunting in a remote forest. As one of them was crossing a fallen log, he tripped, dropped his rifle and shot himself. The other two ran quickly to their unconscious friend and saw that his chest was covered with blood. Walt turned to Stan and said, “We got to get Elmer to the hospital … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on August 5, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-hunters-an-aggie-joke/
A Near Death Experience
This Aggie goes into a doctor’s office all cut up and bruised and the doctor says, “My goodness, what happened to you?” and the Aggie says, “Well I was in this horse race and I fell off my horse. And then the horse started jumping up and down on top of me.”
And the doctor says, “That must have been terrible!”
The Aggie replies “I know. I could have been killed if the Wal-Mart man hadn’t unplugged the machine.” … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on July 25, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-near-death-experience/
Blondes and Aggies
Lowrie sent this a few years ago. Such useful information is always appreciated.
A group of blondes in a class at Texas A&M University was given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they went out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they fell off the ladders, dropped the tape measures and pencils — the whole thing was just a mess.
An engineering student comes along and sees what they’re trying to do. He … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on July 16, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/blondes-and-aggies/
Not Worth the Effort
The author of this is unknown.
A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Hey bartender, I know a great Aggie joke. You want to hear it?” The bartender says, “Well, before you tell it I should probably tell you that I went to A&M. And you see those two big guys sitting next to you — they were linebackers for the A&M football team. And those two guys on your other side — they’re Marines, and … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on June 21, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/not-worth-the-effort/
A Seed of Truth
The author of this is unknown.
An Aggie decides to raise chickens. So, he goes to the feed store and buys some chicks. He takes the chicks home, and plants them with their heads sticking up. He waters them, but they die. He goes back to the feed store and tells the proprietor that he bought defective chicks, and gets another set. This time he plants them with their heads sticking down. He waters them, but they die. He then … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on June 3, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-seed-of-truth/
Turnabout is Fair Play
Someone must have written this, but I don’t know who.
Two Aggie builders were working on a house. One Aggie was on a ladder nailing. He’d reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over his shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood. The other Aggie couldn’t stand it any longer and yells up, “Why are you throwing some of the nails away?” The first Aggie explained, “When I pull … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on May 29, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/turnabout-is-fair-play/
Aggie Deduction
An Aggie went in to see his advisor, who said, “I want you to take history, math, and logic.” “What’s logic?” asked the Aggie. “Well,” said the professor, “I’ll give you an example. Do you own a Weed-eater?” “Why, yes, I do,” replied the Aggie. “OK,” continued the professor, “logic tells me that you have a yard!” “Amazing,” gushed the young rube. “And,” continued the professor, “since you have a yard, logic tells me that you have a house.” “I … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on May 23, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/aggie-deduction/
The Aggie Scientific Method
The author of this shaggy little story is unknown.
An Aggie scientist is doing experiments on a frog, trying to find out the effects of cutting its legs off.
The Aggie saws the first leg off and says, “Jump, frog, jump.” The frog jumps five feet. The Aggie makes a note: With three legs, frog jumps five feet.
The Aggie then saws off another leg and says, “Jump, frog jump!” The frog jumps one foot. The Aggie makes a note: … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on May 16, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-aggie-scientific-method/
New Inventions by Blondes
This is a list of inventions by blondes. It was found on the Jokes Galore website. It’s not canonical, but it’s a good start.
… Read the rest...Water-proof towels
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlights
Submarine screen doors
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart boards
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chairs
Water proof tea bags
Watermelon seed sorter
Zero proof alchohol
Reusable ice cubes
See through toilet tissue
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmaps
Helicopter ejector
Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 15, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/new-inventions-by-blondes/
More Aggie Math
Like most of these, the author is unknown.
A Longhorn, a Techster and an Aggie went into a bar for a drink. The longhorn tells the bartender, I’ll have a TC. The bartender says ”what’s that?” . The Longhorn says ”you know, a Tom Collins.” The Techster says ”I’ll have a PC.” The bartender says ”what’s that?” The Techster says “a Pina Colida.”
The Aggie says “I’ll have a 15.” The bartender says ”what’s that?” The aggie says “you know … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on May 6, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/more-aggie-math/
Mathematics in College Station
The author of this is unknown.
The star football player for the Aggies was failing his math class at the semester and had to pass his exam in order to play in the game that weekend at Kyle Field. The professor and the school board get together and decide to ask him one question at halftime of the game. If the aggie answers the question correctly, he passes and can play. However, if he answers incorrectly he fails the course … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on May 4, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/mathematics-in-college-station/
You’re Doing It Wrong
The author of this is unknown.
The class in Animal Husbandry at A&M was studying reproduction. As a project, the professor assigned three students to take a bull to a nearby farm to service a cow there.
Hours passed, and the students had not returned.
More hours passed, and still the students had not reported back. The worried prof went to the barn. The bull was in the stall; the three Aggies were lying on the ground, battered and bruised, … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on May 1, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/youre-doing-it-wrong/
A Tough Choice
The author of this is unknown.
A student from Texas A&M, a student from The University of Texas, and a pig were in the hospital waiting room, each awaiting the birth of his firstborn. Suddenly, the lights went out. Fortunately, power was restored shortly thereafter and the head nurse made her way to the waiting room.
“Good news and bad news, gentlemen and pig,” she announced. “Despite the electrical outage, two healthy young boys and one healthy piglet have been … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on April 29, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-tough-choice/
Blondes in the Construction Business (Two Tales)
From the groaners listserv. The second tale is ancient; older than the category of blonde jokes.
A couple of blond men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of them walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.”
The clerk said, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?”
The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck.
He returned a minute later and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.”
“Alright. How long do you need them?”… Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on April 26, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/blondes-in-the-construction-business-two-tales/
The Blonde and the Deodorant
From the groaners listserv.
A blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that, they don’t sell rectum deodorant and never have.
Unphased, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.
“I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “We don’t have any. We have never stocked it”
“But, I always buy it … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on April 25, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-blonde-and-the-deodorant/
Blonde Jokes from Ms Scarlett
She’s clearly not a blonde, and I am sure she would not claim to be the author of any of these.
HOW FAR?
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away… Florida, or the moon?”
The other blonde turns and says, “Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?????”
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on April 18, 2010
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/blonde-jokes-from-ms-scarlett/