All posts tagged Beverly McGuire

The Bird House

This came from Bev McGuire’s Clean Joke-A-Day list. The author is not known.

Leo, our neighbor, came home with a birdhouse one day. I kidded him, asking how many birds cold afford accommodations in our suburban neighborhood.

“Leave that to me,” Leo replied. Soon that birdhouse was dangling from a tree with a neat sign that read:

“Room for wren — cheep.”… Read the rest...

Unexpected Dogs

This gentle tale is from Bev McGuire’s “Joke A Day” list . The author is not known.

John had a new dog, but he didn’t want to deal with puppies so he got her fixed.

However, some how, the gal still got pregnant, and even had identical twins! The media loved it and soon she was a celebrity.

John wrote a book about her entitled, “Two Dachshunds in One: A Spayed Oddity”… Read the rest...

A Really Bad Job Experience

Lowrie Beacham sent this tale of woe.

Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy. Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue,

Just another … Read the rest...

Followed Her Home

This is from Bevjo McGuire’s humor listserv. Thanks.

A Haitian bank teller thought she was being followed by a zombie, so she went to the police. The detective said, “OK, you think some guy is following you?”

She said, “Not ‘some guy’ – a zombie. One of the walking dead.”

The detective sighed in relief and told her to go on back to her job at the bank, because, he said, “The first thing every detective learns is … Dead … Read the rest...

Biblical Rules on Coffee

This was sent to us by Bev McGuire. She says her friend Tree sent it to her.

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew coffee each morning.

The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”

The husband said, “You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, … Read the rest...

The Old West

This was sent to me by Karen James and by Bev McGuire. It is making the rounds, so I will send it out quickly. The author is not known.

Historians of the Old West have recently discovered that Annie Oakley, famed sharp-shooter of the Old West, had a sister.

The sister, Carrie, gained some renown in her day as a singer in various saloons throughout the West, but it was not until after her death that she became more widely … Read the rest...

Copy Machine Blues

This is from Beverly McGuire’s Clean Joke a Day list. The author is unknown.

We had been going crazy with a new copying machine that seemed to gobble paper like a piranha and needed repair almost every day. In addition, a large sign proclaimed: “Only qualified key operators are allowed to open machine. Please call one of the persons listed.”

These people were very difficult to find at crucial moments, so someone scrawled on the sign: “Jammed if you do … Read the rest...

Curb Your Tongue

This is from Beverly McGuire [].

A happily married man had only one complaint, his wife was always nursing sick birds back to health.

One November evening, he came home to find a raven with a splint on its beak sitting in his favorite chair. On the dining room table there was a feverish eagle pecking at an aspirin, while in the kitchen his wife was comforting a shivering little wren that she found in the snow.

The furious spouse … Read the rest...


I received this from Beverly McGuire a couple of years ago.

A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes.

“Oh,” said the counselor, “I see what the problem is. You can’t decide whether to marry for batter or verse.”… Read the rest...

Dumas Shortening

I received this from Beverly McGuire.

The famous author Alexander Dumas met with his housekeeper and cook every Monday to discuss the household accounts and to see what needed to be purchased for the upcoming week. One Monday, while they were discussing food, the cook noted that she needed a can of shortening.

Dumas, in haste, checked off the wrong column on the order form, and accidentally purchased 10 cans for 10 weeks instead of one can for one week.… Read the rest...


This was sent to me by Bev McGuire. It was posted on Adrian Gilbert’s jokelist.

A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor. “Is Fred home?” he asked the woman who answered the door. “Sorry,” the woman replied. “Fred’s gone for cotton.”

The next day the collector tried again. “Is Fred here today?” “No, sir,” she said, “I’m afraid Fred has gone for cotton.”

When he returned the third day he humphed, “I suppose Fred is gone … Read the rest...

A real fish story

Beverly McGuire sent this to us. The author was not known at the time of posting.

It was April 4th 44, being a quadruple leap year, I was driving downtown Atlantis, my Baracuda was in the shop, so I was in a rented Stingray and it was overheating. I pulled into a Shell Station, they said I’d blown a seal. I said “Fix the damn thing and leave my private life out of it, pal”.

While they were doing that … Read the rest...

Get the Buzz

This was sent by Beverely McGuire (aka bevjoe). We liked it a lot.

As spring migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip North, so they decided to go by airplane. When they checked their baggage, the flight attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead armadillos. “Do you wish to check the armadillos through as luggage?” she asked.

“No, thanks,” replied the vultures. “They’re carrion.… Read the rest...