All posts tagged Alan B. Combs

Creator of “Tarzan’s Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots” and 2003 Punster of the Year. In his spare time, Alan B. Combs is a toxicologist with the Pharmacy School of the University of Texas at Austin.

Bread ZepPUN

by Alan B. Combs

In this part of the former sovereign nation of Texas, one of the local bakeries claims to be a family-owned business. The son comes on television and radio and tells us how the company is following the precepts and principles taught by Momma B. who founded the company.

A little investigation shows that in addition to her other virtues, Momma B. is always willing to experiment with new methods in bread production. One serious problem upon … Read the rest...

Ever Onward; a Toxicological Tale

by Alan B. Combs

Alan once again steps forward from the shadows in Callahans where he has been drinking a Samuel Smith Imperial Stout. He gestures to Alamus to come on over.

“Very few folks commented on my terrible $$Alan’s Make Money Fast$$ pun posted a week or so ago. I suspect two reasons, my lad, either there are many automatic kill files keyed to dollar signs, or the thing just wasn’t funny. What do you think, Alamus?”

Alamus knows … Read the rest...

It’s an Ill Wind

by Alan B. Combs (it’s no one else’s fault)

This is the story of a fellow that spent the early part of his life working in a photo-development studio. It was a small studio, but he worked hard and developed a large clientele of people who took their film to him to be developed. His control of the chemistry and technology of photography was excellent. In fact, he was given the nickname “Prints” by his grateful customers.

You must, of … Read the rest...

Feghoot and Annihilation

by Alan B. Combs (based on a character originally created by Reginald Bretnor)

One thing you can say about ancient Egyptian society is that both genders were equally prized. In fact, one of the most famous pharaohs had many wives, most of whom bore him female children. Eventually, as was frequently the case with such polygamous societies, he had dozens of girls running all around the place. Pharaoh loved them each and every one, and he filled one of the … Read the rest...

Male Bonding

by Alan B. Combs

Pierce Brosnan is one of my favorite actors. I liked him in “Remington Steele” and I think he makes an excellent Agent 007 — effective, humorous, and dangerous. However, in the time between his stint as Reminton Steele and his playing James Bond, Pierce’s career fell into the pits. It was not certain that he would make it in acting, and several of his paternal uncles advised him to go into family businesses with them. One … Read the rest...

Computer Nerds

By Alan Combs

Do NOT under any circumstances consider that there is anything autobiographical about this one.

As is the case with Rodney Dangerfield, computer savants don’t get no respect. Personally, we can only bemoan this tragic situation, but sometimes it is deserved when computer nerds get out of their specific areas of expertise. A recent example occurred in a local unnamed department.

One of the department members wanted to place a large graphic into a color presentation. The picture … Read the rest...

Shaggy Lop-Ear

I like this one, of course, because I wrote it.

Here in the Pharmacy School, we have a 10 inch ledge which runs all the way around the fifth floor of the the building. Those little, furry animals with bushy tails have taken to running around on the ledge seeking the frequent handouts that certain faculty members give them. Outside my office, however, they prefer to sit quietly and listen to my shaggy dog stories. This goes to show, of … Read the rest...

Western Motif

By Alan B. Combs. Stan Kegel asked me to expand a snippet I wrote many moons ago. Thus, the following.

The wild and wooly west was replete with adventure and potential riches. Magical artifacts were reputed to be abundant and highly sought after. One little town, La Poema, near the Superstition Mountains became famous for a particular enchanted pebble that they made available for viewing in the public library.

The locals particularly appreciated the sight of strangers touching the stone … Read the rest...

Variations heard on a country folk song

This is by Alan B. Combs.

“Wry whimsy, wry whimsy,
Wry whimsy,” I cry.
“If I don’t get wry whimsy,
I surely will die.”… Read the rest...