We’re all aging (although some faster than others, right Dad?), so we might as well joke about it.
Another submission from Mike Franklin.
There is a new wine available for seniors who have problems getting up often to urinate at night —
A single glass at night could mean a peaceful, uninterrupted nights sleep.
I kid you not…
California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/raisin-couldnt-achieve-grapeness/
Dave thinks this is an original of his. At least as original as anything can be these days.
The Geezers fought in the Second World War, where courage often came from the bottle. So few remaining…
The Baby Boomers were brought up to be healthy and eschew alcohol.
So what about the pre-Boomers in between?
That would be a Boozer.… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/ignore-booze-crowd/
The Witching Time of Fright” by Cynthia MacGregor from “The Ants Are My Friends” by Richard Lederer & Stan Kegel (©2007)
There was a woman “of a certain age,” and age had not been kind to her. In fact, her appearance caused some to call her a witch, a fact she eventually turned to her advantage.
You see, the woman had seen both Hannibal Lecter movies and decided she would emulate his example. But unlike cannibal Hannibal, the woman ate … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-witching-time-of-fright/
Dave Wallace asks this timeless question:
What happens when your spouse achieves immortality?
That’s unbereavable.… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-pun-that-never-gets-old/
This was posted by our rude punster, Myke Cooper.
A cow, an ant and an old fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.
The cow said, “I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that’s why I am the greatest!”
The ant said, “I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that’s why I am the greatest!”
Why are you scrolling down here? It’s … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-cow-the-ant-and-the-old-fart/
Another list of wisdom from Bro Tom Vickery. He’s my age, BTW; or is it visa versa?
Now that I’m older here’s what I’ve discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
5. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
6. If all is … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/now-that-im-older/
From the excellent Lowrie.
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend’s vigor and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said, “Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/secrets-of-italian-bread/
This was posted in puns@yahoogroups.com. I don’t know why these things keep coming to me more frequently these days. Probably, I should add that to the list.
Have you celebrated your 25th birthday for the last ten years? Twenty? There are many perks to getting older. Such as closer parking, discounts, and the fact that you’re least likely to get kidnapped. Here are some signs that maybe, just maybe, you might be getting a little older.
1. You walk into … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/in-the-land-of-old-age/
This picture pun is from Bill Pardue.
I rewarded myself by buying an all terrain 4 wheeler.
Below is a picture of me playing with it in the back yard.
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http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/my-new-play-toy/
Thanks to Bill Pardue for this collection.
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift…
The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
“Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
And that’s when the fight started……..
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, ‘Do … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/vignettes-of-when-the-fight-started/
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/alzheimers-test-for-modern-seniors/
This was posted on BWJokes2.
Grandma was nearly ninety years of age when she won $1,000,000 in the lottery. Her family were extremely worried about her heart and feared that news of her large win would come as too much of a shock for her.
“I think we’d better call in the doctor to tell her the news,” suggested the eldest son.
The doctor soon arrived and the situation was explained to him.
“Now, you don’t have to worry about … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/grandma-and-the-lottery/
This is from cousin Jo Ann Thomas. She has a pretty good run going.
John was a salesman’s delight when it came to buying any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change..
One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-lie-detector/
Stan Kegel posted this tale of married life on the groaners listserv.
*Pierogi (aka perogi, or pirogi)
An elderly pious Jew lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of Impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite pierogi with fried onions wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
Downstairs, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen, … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/pierogi/
This was posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv. Why are these things seemingly so pertinent these days?
Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting, there appears to be a need for a STC (Seniors’ Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts, this is the code for you!
SENIOR TEXTING CODE
… Read the rest...AFT: Another Funeral Today
ATD: At the Doctor’s
B2N: Bingo Tonight?
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM:
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/texting-for-seniors/
This is from bro Tom Vickery. The whole concept makes me a little uneasy.
The older you are and the longer you have been married, the funnier this is.
Sheila and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning. I said to her, “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.”
“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.
“I figure that you would eventually … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/should-you-remarry-after-a-spouses-death/
This is from bwjokes and the groaners listserv. It does not tell a happy tale.
A’s for arthritis;
B’s the bad back,
C’s the chest pains, perhaps car-di-ac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can’t read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I’d rather not mention.
H high blood pressure–I’d rather it be low;
I for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/new-alphabet-for-the-elderly/
Random Thoughts from Dick Brewer.
1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/truths-for-mature-humans/
This is from the groaners listserv.
An 80-year old man was having his annual check-up and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
“I’ve never been better!” he boasted. “I’ve got an eighteen year old bride who’s pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?”
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, “Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-octogenarian/
From the groaners listserv.
Teenagers Are Like Cats
How so? Well, consider:
… Read the rest...Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.
No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.
You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/teenagers-are-like-cats/
From my old friend, Dick Brewer.
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Miami , are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore.. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”
The pharmacist answers: “Yes.”
Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”
Pharmacist: “Of course, we do.”
Jacob: … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/senior-wedding/
This was posted by Anna Welander on pun group on yahoo.com.
It’s harder to tell navy from black.
Everything old is new again, but if you wore it before, you’re too old to wear it the second time around.
Your kids are becoming you…and you don’t like them…but your grandchildren are perfect.
Yellow becomes the big color…walls…hair…teeth.
Going out is good. Coming home is better.
When you needed the discount you had to pay full price…Now you get discounts on … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/some-observations-on-maturing-female-perspective/
This was published on the groaners listserv.
“It’s $5.37”. That’s what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bueno said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot,
I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Emo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-burritos-to-blame/
Irregular Webcomic! is by David Morgan-Mar. Occasionally, he includes wonderful puns. This one was originally published on March 6, 2010.
This work is copyrighted and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 Unported Licence by David Morgan-Mar.… Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/shaggy-halfling-xv/
This was posted on the bwjokes board. It fits the category of a lament. At least, to me it does.
Everything old is new again, but if you wore it before, you’re too old to wear it the second time around.
Your kids are becoming you…and you don’t like them…but, your grandchildren are perfect.
You forget names…but it’s OK, because other people forgot they even knew you.
The 5 pounds you wanted to lose is now 25 and you have … Read the rest...
http://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/some-observations-on-maturing/
