All posts tagged Academia

Entries about the university or most any sort of learning.

Punniest of Show 2015: Gabriela Pedroza

Gabriela “Pundroza” Pedroza performs a skit on universities at the 2015 O. Henry Pun-Off World Championships. She scored a 37, just missing the medal platform.

Read the rest...

New Quickies

Here’s a new list of short ones making the rounds. Thanks to Don Drinnon.

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. Yep – it’s syncing now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. BUT, He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This … Read the rest...

I Stink, Therefore I Am

This one is from prolific creator of puns, Dave Wallace.

Even in grade school, just after graduating from Kindy, Vangelis & Becky found themselves isolated from all the “mainstream” kids, who had rejected them because they smelled just a bit “off”. Becky’s mom was a stickler for personal hygiene, making sure that Becks had at least one shower or bath each day. Vangelis, unusually for a boy, knew that he could be a little pungent after physical exercise, so took … Read the rest...

The Show Must Go On

This is by Terry Morrison.

Even though class was well underway, not a sound could be heard coming from the fifth floor classroom.

Inside, seven students practised their craft with uncanny precision, lifting huge panes of glass, bumping into unseen obstacles and walking, or more correctly, being walked by invisible dogs on just as invisible leashes.

Being a mime required countless hours of energy-sapping dedication as each tiny movement was repeated over and over to create the desired effect. They … Read the rest...

On Becoming a Teacher

There are many that will understand exactly what this tale from the groaners listserv is about.

Once there was a man named Nathan. He wanted very much to be a teacher. So he went to seek the advice of the wisest, most highly respected counselor in the land.

“Wise counselor,” Nathan began, “it has always been my dream to be a teacher. I want to stimulate the minds of the young people of our land. I want to lead them … Read the rest...

A College Reunion

This was a Friday Chuckle by Bob Dvorak.

Four graduates of Hunter College decided to get together for lunch at Carnegie Deli. It was a pleasant enough affair as they caught up on thirty years of family activities.

Sara said, “I’m so proud of my son. David is an investment banker down on Wall St.”

Rachel piped up, “My son Ben is a surgeon at Mt. Sinai.”

Lynn followed with, “My Donna just earned her tenure at Columbia University.”

Heidi … Read the rest...

The Inflatable Student

Posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv, this contains admonitions we’ve all heard.

An inflatable student goes to his inflatable school and is having a really bad day. Bored in history lesson, he gets up and walks out.

Walking down the corridor, he sees the inflatable headmaster walking towards him and he pulls a knife out and stabs him.

He runs out of the school. As he gets outside, he thinks again, “I hate school,” and pulls his knife … Read the rest...

The Lion’s Watch Repair Business

This is a very nice companion piece to the previous tale, The Rabbit, the Fox, and the Wolf.

My source for this tale, Margaret Fleck’s website, says, “The origin of these tales is unclear. The first, at least, has been circulated among science students for some years. The plot for the second, clearly its mate, I got from Charles Frohman, who got it from his brother. There is a rumor that they may be old and come from China, … Read the rest...

The Rabbit, the Fox, and the Wolf

What does this shaggy old tale have to do with graduate education? Everything, my friends, everything.

One sunny day, a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the weather. The day was so nice that the rabbit became careless, so a fox sneaked up on her and caught her.

“I am going to eat you for lunch!”, said the fox.

“Wait!” replied the rabbit, “You should at least wait a few days.”

“Oh yeah? Why should … Read the rest...

To Memorize Wordsworth

The Annual Bulwer-Lytton writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a dreadful story. This, by Becky Mushko, is the Winner for the Vile Puns category for 2008.

Vowing revenge on his English teacher for making him memorize Wordsworth’s “Intimations of Immortality,” Warren decided … Read the rest...

Aggie Deduction

An Aggie went in to see his advisor, who said, “I want you to take history, math, and logic.” “What’s logic?” asked the Aggie. “Well,” said the professor, “I’ll give you an example. Do you own a Weed-eater?” “Why, yes, I do,” replied the Aggie. “OK,” continued the professor, “logic tells me that you have a yard!” “Amazing,” gushed the young rube. “And,” continued the professor, “since you have a yard, logic tells me that you have a house.” “I … Read the rest...

You’re Doing It Wrong

The author of this is unknown.

The class in Animal Husbandry at A&M was studying reproduction. As a project, the professor assigned three students to take a bull to a nearby farm to service a cow there.

Hours passed, and the students had not returned.

More hours passed, and still the students had not reported back. The worried prof went to the barn. The bull was in the stall; the three Aggies were lying on the ground, battered and bruised, … Read the rest...

North Carolina Good Ole Boy

A venerable tale from Tom Vickery. He’s on a roll, lately.

A good ole boy from North Carolina had heard that there are many beautiful coeds in Boston, and he had heard that Harvard was located there. So, he took off and headed to Boston.

Shore ‘nuf, he met a pretty young thing at a bar in Boston and asked her, “Do you go to Harvard?”

The girl responded, “Yale.”

“Okay, DO YOU GO TO HARVARD?”… Read the rest...

A Change in Profession

This is from Bill Pardue.

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial; he decided to become an auto mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When … Read the rest...

Another Holmes and Watson Tale

A pun from Jim Macaulay. Thanks.

When Sherlock Holmes was a boy, he attended the somewhat obscure Ella School for Boys just outside of London. Last year, when Holmes and his friend, Dr. John Watson, were attending Holmes’ 40th reunion of his graduation from Ella, Watson noticed that all of Holmes’ old classmates seemed to be just milling about. Watson inquired of Holmes, “Why do all your classmates seem to be lollygagging about?”

Holmes replied, “Ella men tarry, my dear … Read the rest...

Translational Difficulties

By Alan B. Combs

I have always felt that being a little hard of hearing enhances the creation of puns. My wife indicates that this is happening more and more these days, but I digress. There also can be cross-language mistakes that can lead to misunderstandings. Indeed, my niece from Honduras is applying to a four-year university and I am a sponsor. She is going into nursing, a field with great potential as a helpful occupation with job security.

In … Read the rest...

The Computer Class

This was posted on the groaners listserv, of course.

There was a young student who had included a course on computer operation in his curriculum the coming year. Autumn rolled around sooner than he expected, and he found himself enrolled in the computer class.

“Now, class,” his teacher said, “We will address the simple matter of booting up today. Then getting into Windows, and a program for what you intend to do. Word for typing, Lotus for accounting, and so … Read the rest...

Another Nobel Effort

This was posted by Harry Farkas on alt.humor.puns.

Profesor Miller’s colleague, Professor Gonnen Dunnit of the physics
department, has spent a lifetime pursuing the as-of-yet unreachable goal of
creating cold fusion in the lab. In his latest effort, he used molecules
from vegetables to trigger the process on the atomic level.

During one attempt, it seemed that Professor Dunnit actually achieved his
goal – the process resulted in a spherical burst of energy. The professor
wrote it up and submitted … Read the rest...

Stuttering Kitty

From Tom Vickery.

A teacher is explaining biology to her 1st grade students.

“Human beings are the only animals that stutter”, she says.

A little girl raised her hand. “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered”, she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

“Well”, she began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before … Read the rest...

A Higher Education Cautionary Tale

This tale is by Physicist Robert Reynolds. It had its inception in the 60s and was finished in 2006. Shaggy with a wonderful punchline, thanks.

The President of Spooner-Punbury Community College, Otto Schmink, had a full agenda that October 1968 morning. Not only was there an award ceremony to conduct, campus unrest had suddenly risen to the level that he really had to devote some time to deciding how to deal with it.

First things first. The awardee, Leroy Geman, … Read the rest...

Hiring a Cashier

By Lee Daniel Quinn.

The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants, one of which would get the job.

The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid.

Then he called for the second man, “Jim Johnson!”

Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself.

“He looks like he can take care of … Read the rest...

The Math Professor

This tale of hope was posted on the groaners listserv. I love it.

A professor of mathematics noticed that his kitchen sink at his home leaked. He called a plumber. The plumber came the next day and sealed a few screws, and everything was working as before.

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked. “This is one-third of my monthly salary!” he yelled.

Well, all the same he paid … Read the rest...

College Football Questions (2006 Version)

This is from Shayne Gad. Yep. It’s ’bout that time again. Last night I watched Florida State and Miami work to beat each other into submission. It was one of those situations where whoever won, one couldn’t say the best man did. About the only notable exclusions from this list are SoCal, Notre Dame, and the Aggies.

(1) What does the average Michigan State player get on his SATs?


(2) What do you get when you put 32 West … Read the rest...

The Professor

This is by Daniel Lee Quin.

George Smyth was the dean at Midwestern University. One day he was asked to give a talk to the new staff and teachers at MU. After a long while he decided on a seminar on Louis Dellingtom Quincy, a distinguished Professor of Economics that put MU on the map.

Every year in January, economists came from all over the world to hear his discussions of how the business world looks for the new year. … Read the rest...

Adventures in Evangelism

Lowrie Beacham sent this tale of the rigors of vigorous pursuit of evangelism. It is high on my list of favorite tales.

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that difficult. A more significant challenge would be … Read the rest...