Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive

A Tall Ship Tale

A series of punishing stories by Paul DeAnguera. These were originally published on alt.callahans.

The Song of Quid

“And now if I may I’ll play a little banjo tune,” Paul says pluckily. He plays the “Beverly Hillbillies” theme song and sings:

Let me tell yawl a story about Captain Quid,
how he went to sea, and all the things he did.
Writing in his log as he was leaning on the rail
A train came along and when he saw it he fail

(Overboard, that is.)
(In the sink, and in the drink.)

He hadn’t finished writing up the day’s overview,
And so the crafty Quid had a backlog, too.
He tied his logs together with six foot notes
That he got by playing a tune on his float.

(Piccolo actually.)
(Cut them to size by playing sharp.)

Quid was wet and tired and about half beat.
He peered through his telescope for critters fit to eat.
He looked toward an island and said “Son of a gun!
I think I just …

… spied a robin, son!”

“Haw, haw, haw!”

**Smashes the banjo and jumps on it.**

(Well, it worked for The Who.)

To read in order, start from the last page.


  • A Tall Ship Tale #90: The Final Voyage (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on February 1, 2011)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #89: Signs Of The Thames (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on January 25, 2011)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #88: Seven Jeers in Tibet (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on January 18, 2011)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #87: Things Could Be Verse (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on January 11, 2011)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #86: Now Hair This (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on January 4, 2011)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #85: Son of a Gun (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on December 28, 2010)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #84: Burning Down The House (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on December 21, 2010)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #83: Turning the Tables (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on December 14, 2010)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #82: The Full Montego (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on December 7, 2010)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #81: Hooked on Phoenix (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on November 30, 2010)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #80: Isthmus Be The Place (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on November 23, 2010)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #79: A Rouened Woman (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on November 16, 2010)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #78: Maiden Japan (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on November 9, 2010)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #77: Confucian to Our Enemies (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on November 2, 2010)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #76: Drawing A Blank (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on October 26, 2010)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #75: Grueling Punishment (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on October 19, 2010)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #74: It’s a Tzu Out There (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on October 12, 2010)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #73: A Burning Issue (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on October 5, 2010)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #72: Oh You Echidna (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on September 28, 2010)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #71: Aye, Robe Bought (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on September 21, 2010)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #70: Simon Says (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on September 14, 2010)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #69: Yellow Snow (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on September 7, 2010)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #68: Chou Time (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on August 31, 2010)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #67: A Man For Awl Seasons (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on August 24, 2010)
  • A Tall Ship Tale #66: I Ching For A Change (filed in alt.callahans, Puns, Rated G on August 17, 2010)