T-Shirt Captions

Anna Welander posted this on puns@yahoogroups.com.

Here are some more humorous t-shirts to wear around town.
Put one on and see how many laughs you get:

* Here I am! Now What are Your Other Two Wishes?
* I Recycle. I Wore this Shirt Yesterday.
* I’m Good in Bed. I can sleep for Days!
* Also Available in Sober.
* Voted Class of 2057’s Most Likely to Travel Back in Time.
* I’m like a Museum – Look But Don’t Touch.
* Somebody Needs to Rub My Belly and Tell Me I’m Pretty.
* Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, I’m a Raving Lunatic.
* I Cannot be Cloned without the Express Written Permission of Major
League Baseball.
* The World Doesn’t Revolve Around You, it Revolves Around Me!
* I’m Like a Good Book. Wanna Curl Up With Me?
* I Do All My Own Stunts.
* I’m Not Old, I’m Vintage!
* Anybody Seen My Mind? I Know it’s Around Here Somewhere…
* Save the Drama for your Mama.
* Official Member Conjugal Visitors Program.
* Official Member Fashion Police Academy.
* My Long Term Goal is to Get Rick Quick.
* I speak Sarcasm as a Second Language.
* Dyslexics of the World – Untie!
* I Have Attention Deficit… Hey, Look at That!
* We Have Enough Youth. How About a Fountain of Smart?
* 333 – I’m only Half Evil.
* I Can’t See the Forest For the Gump.
* Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms. Check. Who’s Bringing the Punch and
* I don’t have Baggage, I have Freight!
* I Have the Body of a God – Buddah.
* Nobody is Perfect. I am Nobody so I am Perfect.
* Thank you, Sir. May I have another?
* Money Talks. Mine says, “Goodbye.”
* I can’t believe I Bought a Shirt that says Only This!
* When Life Hands You High Fructose Corn Syrup, Citric Acid,
Ascorbic Acid, Maltodextrin, Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate,
Magnesium Oxide, Calcium Fumarate, Ester of Wood Rosin,
Brominated Vegetable Oil, Tocopherol, Yellow Number 5 and 1%
Natural Flavors… Make Lemonade!

Alice Collins remembers the following ones.

* I have PMS and ESP–that makes me a bitch who knows everything
* Warning–contents under pressure
* I’m out of estrogen and I have a gun. Any questions?
* You can’t scare me–I have kids.
* Beam me up, Scotty. There’s no intelligent life here.
* I always do what the voices in my head tell me to.
* Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.

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