Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive

I stole a kilt and had to plaid guilty…

Category: Poetry, Rated G, Shaggy Dogs

This one was submitted by Mike Franklin.

This princely story made I laaaff it did. I wouldne to rob ye of such pleasure….

Prince Charles is making a hospital visit in Scotland and goes into a ward and asks the patients how they are.

The first one replies:

Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin’-race!
Aboon them a’ ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy of a grace
As lang’s my arm.

He walks away a bit puzzled, goes to the next bed and the patient says:

Some hae meat and cannae eat.
Some cannae eat that want it:
But we hae meat and we can eat,
Sae let the Lord be thankit.

He moves on to the third patient who says:

Wee sleekit, cow’rin, tim’rous beastie,
O, what a panic’s in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
Wi bickering brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an chase thee,
Wi murdering pattle!

Prince Charles turns to the doctor who’s showing him round and asks if this is the psychiatric ward?

The doctor says “Oh no, it’s not the psychiatric ward, it’s the serious Burns unit”

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