Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Stock in Trade

Category: Rated G

This was sent to us by Edward Nelson [bonanza.ed@sympatico.ca].


Professor Jacques Bacque was a most notable scientist and his chosen field of study was genetics. He knew his DNA forwards and backwards. Professor Bacque was the foremost predicter of births in the world. He would simply take some liquid from the mother’s womb, test the DNA structure, and tell the parents to be the sex of their child.

He was often called upon to give testimony and to act as an expert witness in criminal cases where the validity of the DNA was at issue., or where genetics played a part. In fact he would have been called to testify in the O.J. Simpson trial had he not been so occuppied with other matters. His clinic was overflowing. People came to him by the hundreds and thousands to determine the sex of their unborn child. They also came because he had developed the method of predicting what serious diseases a person would be prone to in later life and how to prevent the contracting of such disease.

Because of the many, many clients he and his staff serviced, and the thousands of samples that he collected or where sent to him, he needed a facility for storage as well as for servicing clients. One never knew when some sample he had in stock would become useful, so he constructed a huge warehouse to store the DNA material and genes that he had collected. The structure that he had built was a beautiful clinic and storage facility and being somewhat of an odd ball, he built his facility in a remote, out-of-the-way portion of the state. He built the building in the shape of DNA itself, as a double hylex. And in front of this magnificent building, he erected a huge statue of himself.

The building was so stunning and different that visitors and tourists would drive miles out of their way just to see the building and statue. They would stop in front of the attraction and gawk for hours, and when they asked the local townsfolk, What is that?” the answer always came back, “Oh! That’s just Bacque and the gene stock.

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