Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Staying Out of Trouble at the Zoo

Category: alt.callahans, Puns, Rated PG-13

In response to the recent A Tall Ship Tale No. 8, Sean Broderick sent me the following very shaggy tale he wrote. His momma seems to have raised him properly. Now, if certain of our so-called leaders could take it to heart.


As long as we’re breaking Camels’ backs, Mom and Dad tell me that you’ll appreciate knowing about the difficulties that the World-Famous San Diego Zoo has in collecting certain animals for exhibit.

Seems there’s a particular wild pig that lives in Guyana, and the zoo wanted some examples of the species to begin a breeding program. The Zoo contacted the local government, but they were a greedy lot and demanded many millions of dollars from the rich gringos. The Zoo, quite offended, decided to “liberate” a few of the piggies during a field expedition.

The pig collecting mission went well, and the Zoo’s people secured a fine group of piglets, three female and one male. Exporting them legally was out of the question, so the plan was to smuggle them right through the main customs check at the airport.

Each team member was to carry one piglet in their clothing. All was well until one of the piglets decided that emigration was not in its life plans, and began a desperate struggle to escape from the gringo’s pocket. This being a small beast with sharp teeth and lots of determination, the would-be piglet thief decided that ejecting the piglet was the best course to take. Unfortunately, a wild piglet is not easy to conceal in the international airport, and the whole scheme was discovered, much to the embarrassment of the Zoo and all parties involved.

The moral of the story, of course, is that everything will work out better if you can just…

keep your Peccary in your pants.

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