Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Starring Auntie Em as the Good Witch, Glinda

Category: P.U.N.Y. listserv, Pun Cascade, Puns, Rated G

This was a recent pun cascade on the PUNY listserv.

It can be very difficult, when asked to write a story or a play, to not base any characters on people you already know. When you are a teenager, more often than not this means that your family members play some part in the part in your play, whether you intend them to or not.

This was just the case for Dorothy. Her drama class had written plays the year before, and hers had been selected for production. Her family had come to the play, and Auntie Em had recognized herself in one of the parts. She’d been terribly upset at seeing herself portrayed on the small stage, even though there was nothing particularly damaging in the script. In fact, Dorothy’s whole home life had been put on display for all to see, and Dorothy had been totally unaware of it while writing the play.

It was now a new year, and again the High School Drama Club assignment was a contest to write a play which the club would then produce. Not wishing a repeat of the previous year, Dorothy walked home from school that night repeating this mantra:

“There’s no plays like home. There’s no plays like home.”

Jason Dias

I thought Elmira Gulch was the Anti-Em.

Tiff Wimberly

And I thought (silly me) that it was Mark McGuire, Sammy Sosa, and Barry Bonds who walked around saying “There’s no plates like home.”

Bob Dvorak

No, it was the country girl who was having her hair braided by her sister, who’d spent the day in the fields and didn’t have the cleanest hands, which prompted the braided sister to say, “There’s no plaits like loam.”

Cynthia MacGregor

Or, as one flatfish said to another, “There’s no plaice like at home.”

Jim Ertner

Wasn’t it the absent-minded judge who asked, “There’s no pleas like…whom?”

Cynthia MacGregor

Meditating Buddhists think there is no praise like “Om”.

Tiff Wimberly

After comparing scholarly articles, one philosopher told another, “There’s no piece like Hume’s.”

Jim Ertner

After planting the seeds the vegetable gardener stood up and said, “There! Snow peas, legume.” —


And an old, old tale about chrome for the Hollandaise?

Alan C

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