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Please note: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the cat next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft – this is not a conspiracy. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you. If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and braised tofu and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes at Gas mark 2. This message has been approved by John McCain and Barach Obana.

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