This subtly non-denominational tale was posted on the groaners listserv.

Within a small town there were three synagogues – one Orthodox, one Conservative, and one Reform. And, all three had a serious problem with squirrels in their buildings.

Therefore, each congregation, in its own fashion, had a meeting to deal with the problem.

The Orthodox decided that it was predestined that squirrels be in the shul and that they would just have to live with them.

The Conservatives decided they should deal with the squirrels in the movement’s style of community responsibility & social action. They humanely trapped them and released them in a park at the edge of town, only to find that within three days, they were all back in the synagogue.

The Reform Synagogue had several lengthy meetings, allowing all members to voice their opinions, and finally decided to vote the squirrels in as members of the Temple. Now, they only see them on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

Similar tales are told about other denominations — Baptists, Presbyterians, and Methodists, for example. I’ll let you decide where each fits where in the story.