Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Special gift (Rude Christmas Variant)

Category: Rated PG

I received this from Tom Vickery, an old friend, but it shows evidence of having been around for a while.


A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. The manager tells him he has just what he’s looking for!

It’s a beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas Carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn’t seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. The pet store manager lights the lighter and holds it under Chet’s left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; “Silent Night”. The man becomes very impressed with Chet’s singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet’s right foot. Chet now starts singing “Jingle Bells”

The man says that Chet is perfect and that he’ll take him. He rushes home to his wife, and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain his special talent. Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet’s left foot and the bird sings “Silent Night” again. He then moves the lighter under Chet’s right foot and again Chet lets loose with a round of “Jingle Bells.”

The wife is highly impressed, and with a mischievous grin, asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet’s legs instead. Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird’s legs, and the bird begins to sing ——-

“Chet’s Nuts Roasting On An Open Fire!”

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