Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Some Observations On Maturing

Category: Puns, Rated G, Short Snorts

This was posted on the bwjokes board. It fits the category of a lament. At least, to me it does.


Everything old is new again, but if you wore it before, you’re too old to wear it the second time around.

Your kids are becoming you…and you don’t like them…but, your grandchildren are perfect.

You forget names…but it’s OK, because other people forgot they even knew you.

The 5 pounds you wanted to lose is now 25 and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 25 pounds.

You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring then in bed. It’s called “pre-sleep.” (Amen!)

You miss the days when everything worked with just an “ON” and “OFF” switch.

You use more 4 letter words…”what?”…”when?”

You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you’ve read it already.

You’ve never heard of most of the celebs in People Magazine

What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

It seems that everybody whispers.

You can understand the TV more clearly than your spouse.

That highly urgent trip in the middle of the night only produced that tiny volume?

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