Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Some Observations On Maturing (Female Perspective)

Category: Rated G, Shaggy Dogs, Short Snorts

This was posted by Anna Welander on pun group on yahoo.com.


It’s harder to tell navy from black.

Everything old is new again, but if you wore it before, you’re too old to wear it the second time around.

Your kids are becoming you…and you don’t like them…but your grandchildren are perfect.

Yellow becomes the big color…walls…hair…teeth.

Going out is good. Coming home is better.

When you needed the discount you had to pay full price…Now you get discounts on everything…movies, hotels … flights.

You forget names…but it’s OK because other people forgot they even knew you.

The last 2 outfits you wore had spots on them.

You ask your husband or friend how your outfit looks and they tell you the truth.

The 5 pounds you wanted to lose is now 25 and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 25 pounds.

Your husband is counting on you to remember things you don’t remember.

Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring then he does in bed. It’s called his “pre-sleep.”

You used to say, “I hope my kids GET married. Now, “I hope they STAY married!”

Who wants to wear 3″ heels anyway?

You miss the days when everything worked with just an “ON” and “OFF” switch.

You use more 4 letter words…”what?”…”when?”

Your husband has a night out with the guys but he’s home by 9:00 P.M… next week it will be 8:30 P.M.

You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you’ve read it already.

You notice everything they sell in stores is sleeveless.

You’ve never heard of most of the celebs in People Magazine, or ET.

You don’t have hair under your arms and very little on your legs but your chin needs to be plucked daily.

What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

It seems that everybody whispers.

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