Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Simple Home Remedies

Category: Rated G

Sometimes the simplest remedies are the best. Pharmacy Bro Charlie Pfister sent this educational reminder. I have known some of these for a long time and some are new to me.


1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a cup of
boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be removed almost instantly.

2. Clumsy by nature? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using
the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for few
minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer, however.

5. A mousetrap placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of ExLax. Deep fear is very
effective in preventing cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
forget about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You
only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use the WD-40. If
it shouldn’t move and it does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know him or her.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

11. If you woke up breathing, Congratulations! You get another chance.

12. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you
might need them to empty your bedpan.


Mitch Friedman adds a few more.


13. Leave enough time to get to the bathroom and everything will come out all right.

14. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives ~ then you’ll be afraid to cough (Combs’ note, this old saw is much older than any of us — of course, I’m not all that old, myself).??

15. You only need two tools in life ~ WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.??

16. If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.??

Caution: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.??

Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES ~ NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

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