Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Shaggy Vampire

Category: Rated G

Yeah, this is something of an in-joke, but in this day and age, not all that in. Bryce L. Martin provided the inspiration for this story. Shall we blame him? Of course, certainly not me. As he said, the story DOS something for him.


It happened in Seattle. Yes, it really did. It occurred in the land of Bill And The Evile Empire, and the telling of the tale is almost as bad as to original event – pure horror, pure terror.

It took an unlucky combination of people meeting together in one of the Microsoft executive suites. First, there were the Scotlanders recently responsible for the cloning of the sheep. In addition, the group was blessed with Chryler Motors ex-CEO, Lee Iococa, and with the famous vampire, Count Dracula.

Oh, the pain, oh the difficulty of sitting down. DNA was taken from both Iococa and Drac and the DNAs were combined into the empty ovum of a Microsoft executive. The fertilized ovum was implanted in a conscripted volunteer, and after nine months, the conceptus came fully to term. Thus, it was born (gag, wretch), now we have the explanation — AUTOEXEC.BAT.

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