Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Shaggy Stones

Category: Rated G

This was submitted by Tom Neel [TNeel@email.msn.com].


Among the many legends related to the Rolling Stones is one of Mick Jagger’s more disastrous ideas to divide the Stones’ fan clubs into geographic regions and involve members of the rock group in their administration. After designating the boundaries for regions, each was named for the dominant club in that area and assigned a Stones performer to liaison with the clubs therein. Every club was expected to provide written reports summarizing its activities for the preceding month and responding to various questions posed by Mick. This information was distilled into a newsletter that was shared with all clubs as a guide in making the associations more effective in worshipping their heroes.

Mick also encouraged competition between the clubs by sponsoring contests with paid trips to Stones concerts the most popular prizes. Inevitably, the clubs developed animosity toward one another and the Stones often called them factions as the organizations tried to improve their images at the expense of competing clubs.

One day in late August the deadline for monthly submissions had passed and a number of reports were missing. This was not uncommon, but all the factions in the Satis region (named for a very active club in the Mediterranean area) had failed to report. This was Keith Richards’ region and Mick asked him what was wrong. Keith replied that he had attempted to get in touch with the factions in that region by telephone but had been unsuccessful in his efforts. Mick suggested he try communicating through Fax and the Internet ASAP and let him know the results. A short time later Keith returned with the message, “I’ve tried and I’ve tried but, I can’t get no Satis faction!”

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